Wednesday, November 30, 2005

there's something about ..... harry porter

Coolcat just did a posting on Harry Porter.

And I thought I should also mention something about HP or I would look really shallow. I mean... even Ah Beng Anthony read HP.

Actually, I felt like i'm a big FAN of Harry Porter. Fanning away anything that is related to HP.

I have only just watched the first movie and after that I got mixed up between this and LOTR. Both movies actually came out at about the same time.

While I completed LOTR movie trilogy, I can't bring myself to watch HP no.2. (sorry, don't even know what's the title).

Anyway, I have just 1 question.... has the lead character grown up to become a gay? I saw on the movie advertisement and I felt he got too much make-up. He would be totally at home in Bangkok.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

there's something about ..... spring

I think if Singapore has 4 seasons, now would be spring time. I think..... Can't blame me if I don't know when Spring or Autumn is... Singapore only got 1 season which is Sometimes-rain-somtimes-no-rain-within-the-same-day.

But unfortunately, I'm not talking about 4 seasons here. I'm talking about this spring Or previously known as PSB. You remember the Productivity Bee in the 80s? Interestingly, going thru the website, I wasn't able to find the Bee. It must be an embarassment to them very much like the Courtesy Singa.

Today I went to SPRING Office tower or previously PSB tower to meet a client. They actually have an office tower in Bukit Merah Central. Wah.. I wonder how they can justify a tower purely by productivity alone.

When I approach the Car Park entrance, I wound down the window and inserted my cashcard into the ticket machine. I was cursing.

I mean we are talking about productivity here... can't they have those ERP type where the gate barrier just lift when they sense your cashcard... how come I must still insert my cashcard into the machine.

Anyway, for some strange reason, my cashcard was rejected. The machine says Error. I inserted the cashcard again but it was still rejected. Thinking my cashcard is spoil, I uses another cashcard... still it was rejected.

NABEH. I FELT LIKE A MORON. This building doesn't use the cashcard system!! They still use the ticket system.

HELLO.. we are talking about productivity here!!! Shouldn't someone put a note there to say "please do not insert cashcard" like all other building still using the ticket system.

Anyway, my stay there is quite short.... about 15 mins.

When I went to pay up.... NINABEH.... the car park fee is $1.50!!!! About 50cents for every 5 mins!!!!

Not only that, I keeps rejecting my coins!!!! HELLO... PRODUCTIVITY!!!

I did a check on the definition of Productivity in the net:

"Productivity: A measure of the amount of output per unit of input"

Wah... no wonder. Based on this definition, their ticket machine is definitely the most profitable productive thing in the building.

Per unit of input: 1 ticket cost maybe 10cents.

Amont of output: 50 cents per 5 mins.

Somemore recycleable.

No wonder they can have their own building.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

there's something about ..... ianah

Who is ianah?

No.. it's not my new maid. Btw, my new maid is arriving sometime mid-december. Nabeh... just when I was enjoying life without one... especially the extra $500 to spend every month. Imagine... I can have about 10 Ipods a year, 1 for every 1.5 months. Or 5 laptops a year, one every 2 months. Or Trip to Hong Kong 4 times a year. Or 2 Tag Heur watches a year. Or 1 Sony Plasma TV a year. But instead I got none of those, but in jeff's words "stranger living in the home". Nabeh x 500 times.

So who is ianah?

Some of my friends would know, I got an elder brother-in-law, whom I respect for his attitude towards his trade, but anything else we are worlds apart. He was a Ah Beng long before the word Ah Beng is coined.

His body art would put all those new age body arts aka tattoos to shame. I think any current tattoo artiste would have difficulty trying to create that "body art" of his, which looks like a NER ZHA. I often try to catch a glimse so as not to appear staring, so I never really know what ANG GONG GIA is that. Also I think any current tattoo artiste will also have problem writing chinese characterSSSS given that most tattoo artiste nowadays are quite Ang Mo Pai. And mind you it's not just chinese single character like those found on NBA stars, but it's a Poem of about 4 vertical lines of about 5 characters in each line, ALL IN ONE ARM. SMALL ARM SOME MORE.

So that is my brother in law for you.

But who is ianah?

Brother-in-law, on seeing my son: IAN AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And he actually, literatally Calls OUT LOUDLY..... And when you combine AH after a N.... it will come out as NAH.

So just imagine, him calling out: IAN NAHHHHHHHHHHH

This happens every sunday.

God help my son.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

there's something about ..... shell

Recently, all my posts are car, number plate, consumption, lorry and now it's fuel! Must complete one cycle mah.

I uses Shell. Maybe because it gives me the illusion that my car will drive like ferrari in Formula 1 racing.

But lately, Shell gets on my nerve.

Firstly, I think it's a really stupid gimmick to show the NET price of your petrol for all to see and claim that you are being outright about prices and not merely showing just Discounts.

Seriously... can you remember what is the net price of petrol yesterday? $1.587 per litre? Or 1.578? And How would I know if other companies with a 6% discount sign may give a net price even lower than what the net price at Shell shows?

I have actually witness someone driving into Shell and ask what is the discount eventhough the net price is clearly shown.

And th end, they have to spend more money on Print advertisments, Radio advertisement, TV commercial to tell everyone that they will always ensure their net price is either the same as competitor or lower.

I think that smart alec who came out with the net price idea ought to be sacked.

Next that piss me off is Shell Fuel Stretch Challenge.

Below is taken from Shell website:

Singapore, 17 November 2005 - Over 120 teams, comprising of two members per team, competed in this year's Shell Fuel Stretch Challenge. Of these 240 people, Mr Liew Chin Foo and Mr Andre Ng Wye Hoong emerged victorious in their Hyundai Sonata as they drove home the message that Shell petrols can indeed help motorists stretch their dollar. Competing in the 1000 - 2000 cc category, they won a pair of round-the-world air tickets worth approximately SGD12,000.

Using only 4.4 litre of Formula Shell 98, Mr Liew and Nr Ng travelled 167km to complete the eight mandatory checkpoints around Singapore. By diligently applying Shell Fuel Stretch Tips, particularly by using the highways to reach the checkpoints to maximise his fuel efficiency, Mr Liew achieved a fuel efficiency of 37.84km per litre, thus Mr Liew managed to stretch his fuel by an astounding

4.4 litre travel 167km???!! 37.84km per litre?!??!?! on a HYUNDAI SONATA?!?!? NINABEH!!!!

Before you start going to fill up your car with Shell, I would suggest you buy Hyundai Sonata instead, then fill up your car with Shell.

My current car runs on 8km per litre WITH SHELL.

A Toyota Hybrid Car runs on 30km per litre, as LISTED on brochure. AND THAT IS HYBRID. My client told me his hybrid car actually do about 20 to 25km per litre.

And we all know Toyota has the best fuel economy follow by Honda. And we all know Hyundai is not among the top. It's among the bottom.


You mean no other Toyotas or Hondas took part in this Shell competition?

What better way to tell the world your fuel is the best even when use on a Korean Car.

Talk about Oil Rig.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

there's something about ..... upgrade or downgrade

I uses these terms quite alot in my line of work.

But interestingly, these terms has been ask with regards to my recent car purchase.

It looks like an upgrade given that my new car is bigger, spacious, taller, more compartments than my old car.

But it's a downgrade given that on paper, this car has a smaller OMV than my old car which is smaller, narrower, shorter and lesser compartments. Also new to new, my current car is cheaper than my older car.

So while it's debatable and though not so important whether it's up or down, today I felt insulted.

I've never felt so insulted in all my life as a driver. Even my first car, a modest Suzuki Swift, 1 litre, manual did not make me lose face.

I was on the front row at a traffic light. Next to me was a Lorry. BUT KNN, the LORRY was able to speed off faster than my car!!!!

I REPEAT... NEVER.. NEVER.... would my previous cars let any lorry beat me.

Even in my last car.... NEVER... NEVER... would any other japanese made saloons, even some continental make saloon beat me from the traffic light.

And now.... A LORRY!?!?!?!?!?

My old car can probably run 0-100 in 11 secs.

My fastest run 0-100 in 12.6 secs during my school days.

This car?!?!?!? I think 0-100 in 20 secs!

This definitely felt like a downgrade... where ego is concerned!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

there's something about ..... commoner

Early part of the week, I read about the Japan's princess marrying a commoner, and thus becomes a commoner herself by default of Japan Royalty Laws. She was given S$2mil one-time-off allowance. In order for her to ease into a commoner's life, assistants was assigned to her to teach her the life of a commoner.

This is one interesting read.

Japan Royalty Laws also quite cute. Surely they don't expect the princess to marry another royalty right.... I mean how many royalty can you find in the world now. Maybe from Brunei, Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam perhaps. Imagine the japanese princess changing her name to a Sayoko Virahbong, surely something not acceptable to the japanese monarchy.

And since any Prince can marry any commoner, any Prince in the world can choose the prettiest commoner to marry. Who would actually choose this Japanese Princess?

Who would you marry.....



or this?

commoner previously may look like the princess

Thanks to this commoner, there's hope for mankind! ... and manhood!

I also pity the husband of the princess. He must be thinking life as a royalty, no need to work, servants everywhere, big limosines...... and Suddenly.... the government tell him... "pai seh, you still commoner leh, but neber mind, I give your wife $2m, at least you now a rich commoner".

At least, this rich commoner can make fun of his father-in-law and not to worry about castration. Eg. "My father-in-law can break law anytime ok, he decide on law one!"

I also wonder what the assistants will do to help her ease into commoner's life. I suppose the government advertise in the papers...

Commoner Life Easer

  • Minimum high school education
  • able to teach people how to shop in supermarket, how to bargain, how to pay
  • must not have any royalty heritage
  • contract basis: 3 months, renewal depending on how fast your subject ease into common life.
  • Those shortlisted must bring the birth certificate of your grandparents, parents.

Commoner previously known as princess: You... buy this and go pay up.

Commoner assistant: Nabeh... go pay yourself... you just like me now... only 2m richer.

Commoner princess: You... scratch my back... 5cm right of my left kidney.

Common assistant: Nabeh.... go scratch yourself... you just like me now... only 2m richer.

I also want this kind of job.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

there's something about ..... fuel consumption

I have very good buddies. They know how keen I wanted to know what's my car's fuel consumption is like, so they decided to help me..... by finishing up my petrol early.

Last saturday, I made plans with Jeff and wolf to have dinner at Holland village around 7pm. I was late in picking up Jeff in Sengkang by 15 mins as I was held up with work committments.

Since already late, Jeff decided that taking the road less travelled will be much better than going thru the normal rush hour traffic, and so I heed his advice considering he knows expressway UP TO WOODLANDS quite well.

So I started a KAN SI LANG long journey. This was the longest I ever travelled on road in Singapore. And this journey covers 5 expressways out of 8 in Singapore.


I knew we are on the wrong trail when I see Woodlands and later Jurong. To be fair, Jeff intention was to go by TPE, SLE and BKE then PIE. Which means he is responsible for 4 out of 5 expressways which still means a KANG SI LANG long journey. But I exited early to KJE from BKE and ended up in the beginning of PIE instead of half of PIE had I stick with BKE.

And so what would otherwise be a 30 mins journey by TPE, SLE, Thomson Road, Lornie Road, Adam Road, Holland Road, or half the mileage turn out to be a 50 mins Journey.

Anyway, we acheive my aim. I completed my full tank at least 1 day ahead of schedule.

And my fuel consumption is very auspicious 8km per litre. For the uninitiated, when it comes to fuel consumption, we don't need to have auspicious numbers. In fact, we need to have unauspicious number like 13km per litre.

And Thanks to my buddy, he has actually unknowingly push up my number with the expressway drive. Had it been a totally city drive, I think the numbers will be even lower.

What's the moral of the story, when you buy a car, listen to friends, When you drive a car, don't listen to friends.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

there's something about ..... newer car on the block

dear WMB, (the letters are conjured up to hide the identity of the car and this writer due to tough traffic laws in Singapore, ubin and sentosa)

Today is your arrival to our family and I like to welcome you in.

You come with some controversy as many friends were shocked that I decided to trade off my old car and get you. They think you drink petrol like they are unlimited in supply and the cheapest thing in the world.

I appeal to you to prove them wrong. Just do about 10km per litre and I will be very happy.

Yours truly

Cow driver

Thursday, November 03, 2005

there's something about ..... the old number plate

Dear SCF,

You probably know by now that I have already sold off my car with you and you no longer will be with me from tomorrow onwards.

I want you to know that you have been a great companion to me for the last 13 years. From my very first car to my current car, you have been with me thru all thick and thin.

You have also brought my family a small fortune thru Singapore pools over the years.

You have also witness every major benchmark of my life and it's with great sadness that I have to let you go.

In fact, till now, I'm still trying to see how I can keep you for my next car. But I realised the costs of keeping you is $2600 if I choose a second-hand car. This is too much for me to bear and I hope you understand.

I could buy a new car and thus only pay $100 but unfortunately I have yet to make a decision on that. Thus I have decided to let you go.

I want you to know that It's not you. It's Mah Bow Tan's fault.

I wish you all the very best with the new owner. I want to tell you that I will never never forget you. You will always have a place in my heart.

I will miss you greatly.

Yours truly

Cow driver

there's something about ..... old car on the block

Dear vicic (the letters are mixed up to protect the identity of my car as well as this writer due to sedition act in Singapore, JB and some say indonesia)

I think you already know by now that I have already sold you away. I want you to know that it hurt me alot to have to do this. You have been a great companion to me in the last 4 years. Occasionally, you were a good companion to Jeff and his family.

In fact, you have witness some benchmark in my life. You came into my life immediately after my marriage. You were there when I send my pregnant wife to the hospital for the birth of my son. You were there to bring my son back to our home. You were there when I send my maid back.

However, due to big disescalation of car prices, I have to make that big decision to let you go before I make even a bigger losses.

I want you to know that it's not you. It's mah bow tan's fault.

And I just realised those decorations that we did during the Treasure Hunt on you have just become my parting gift for you.

I have also did a final wash-up for you so that you will join your new owner in a neater and cleaner condition.

I hope your new owner will take better care of you than myself.

Wish you the very best.

Cow driver

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

there's something about ..... photomarathon 2005

This is a post long overdue. With so many things happening to my life lately, blogging sequence is no longer chronological.

We didn't win this year. Not that we think we should win, not that we think we expect to win. But I think we have some reason to be optimistic. But of course, this competition is also not a photography per se competition. It's a fun thing. So like what they always say, it's not about winning, it's about having fun.

Hmmm... where have I hear that before.

I mentioned "We" because my partner (name withheld for sedition reason) will provide technical work while I work on the creative side of things and strategy and portering and driving. And we will share all prizes won. Thus "we".

One reason why this blog was late is because I was waiting for them to release the shortlisted entries on the web, so that I CAN CRITICISED THEM!!!!

What to do... that is what sore losers do. And this is also what sore loser think is fun as well. Remember... it's about having fun.

Remember that the judges are not exactly your photographer per se as well. One is a editor of a newspaper supplement dealing with technology, the other one is senior management of a branded camera, the other one is senior management of a branded computer. Thus, they have a slightly different "eye" to the real professional photographer. But then again, most of the contestants are amateurs like me. So they are fully qualified to judge. Afterall, the give the prize mah.

My disclaimer: I'm in no position to criticise other people's art, as art is individual. I'm not an expert in this field. I'm still learning how to use a camera. I only know whether a picture is nice or not nice. Technically, I'm in no position to talk as well. In other words, this critique is purely COWDUNK.

First assignment: World In Motion. Winner

I like this. He deserved to win this category. I like the fact that the picture is symmetrical. Coolcat told me how this is done technically. And I think this guy is technically strong, which make him a even more deserved winner.

Also give him credit for able to find this location. His Home perhaps?

Judges got this right!

World in Motion. Merit Winner

This shot is taken at Centrepoint. Currently doing their new expansion, this is the fencing round it.

Look to me like a posed shot. Man walking with head dropping low and hands at the back, walking against in-coming traffic entering centrepoint carpark? Hmmm.

Even if it's not a posed shot, this is a snap shot. Which mean if I snap it with a point-to-shoot camera, I probably also win.

I'm still struggling to see the relevance to the theme. Call me shallow.

World in motion merit winner

Great location. Good shot. Good composition. Rightfully deserving a merit.

World in Motion Top 10

Great shot. Great composition. Nice colour. But I wonder if a full colour would be better. This will get my vote for a merit.

World in Motion Top 10

Most relevant to the theme. composition is not too bad. however, out of focus. Wonder had this been in focus, how far this would go.

World in Motion Top 10

Hmmm... snap shot. Give him credit for able to find a shot like this. I have never seen shoes being placed around like this... how to find your shoes? And the smell.... wah biang. Maybe the unusualness of this shot earn him a top 10.

But if this can win a top 10.... maybe the below show is not too far away.

Why not this?

World in Motion Top 10

Stand in front of poster... take a picture. Submit the photo. Top 10. Why did we make ourselves work so hard for our picture. Simplest approach is sometimes the best. Don't care, nice or not nice, relevant or not relevant.

Wouldn't the shot below be better? The world moving on, but the old world still present somewhere.

why not this

World in Motion Top 10

Unusual shot. Never seen anything like this. The unusualness deserve a merit. But relevance to the theme? I'm not too sure.

Give him credit for finding something like this.

World in motion top 10

Another posed shot. This is taken in a condo. Take your pet, put on the pavement, shoot it. submit it. Top 10.

The simplest of idea but at least they tried to make it a good shot while at it.

Bo bian, it's time I keep a pet.

World in Motion Top 10

Good shot. In fact, this year judges like that "shoot thru a glass" shot. Every category this year has one of these.

May have won a merit for this round.

assignment 2: Child's play winner

This won on contrast and composition. Still a snap shot to me. But I really do not know what game is this. I have never seen this before. Could this be a posed shot?

Not that posed shot shouldn't win lah. Just felt that this do not have any technicality to win the category.

child's play merit

If you ask me, I think this is in top 10 because of judge's fetish for photos "thru the glass".

But on the other hand, this photo stands out and if you ask me again, think this should be the winner.

But then again, there aren't that many good photos in this category.

child's play merit

Not impressive at all either. Perhaps a lack of good entries. But still...

child's play top 10

Simple photo. But really, it's a tough category. At least this is not about kids.

Deserving a top 10.

child's play top 10

Good shot of a kid playing at Bugis Junction. The expression is hard to capture. But it's common enough.

child's play top 10

This feels like a community development poster. This couple's features suggested that they are siblings.

I can't help feeling that this is a posed shot. But otherwise a well taken shot.

child's play top 10

My fav shot of the category. Not so much of any photography brilliance but it's really not easy to go into a Singapore Pools shop and take a picture. I'm sure it's not allowed.

Plus... it's playing on irony. Child's play but yet the toughest thing to win. My vote for winner.

Child's play top 10

I like this shot. Simple. Colourful.

child's play top 10

This is definitely a posed shot. The other hand shooting this picture. But if it's child's play, what are they playing?

child's play top 10

This photo shows a few things.

  • The judges eyes got stamps.
  • The entries for this category is so damn bad that even this can be top 10.
  • You can take bad pictures and still earn a mention.