Tuesday, June 28, 2005

there's something about ..... being featured in people's magazine

This is a 15 steps guide on "How to be nominated in people's magazine world most beautiful people".

  1. This is the most GEI GONG one... you must be beautiful lah.
  2. But then..... beautiful also got no use. Otherwise I also get nominated, you must also be smart.
  3. Beautiful and smart also got no use. Otherwise I also get nominated every year, you must be scholarly smart.
  4. But scholarly smart also got no use. You must also play rugby.
  5. If you never play rugby, you will get straight 4 As at A Level, then you too studious liao. You must get 3 As and 1 B to be exact. Then you stand a good chance to win President's Scholarship.
  6. The best chance to be nominated in People's Magazine is to be located in USA where the magazine is based. Don't be stupid to go study in Nanjing University in China. Must go IVY League type.
  7. Once you are there, you must be friendly. You can satisfy point 1 to 6 but not friendly also no use. Normal friendly also no use. You must be super friendly that will create some magnetism.
  8. After you create some magnetism, you make sure you apply that magnetism to both gender.
  9. Make sure you have one representation in each gender, preferably both coming from sports community.
  10. Be emphathetic. Must go understand people and know what they think so that they will make positive comments about you.
  11. Must go and learn how to make paper flowers. Not only paper flowers, but must also include stalks and leaves.
  12. Make sure you give that paper flowers to someone celebrating 21st birthday so that people can see it.
  13. Know female friends who skates in Olympics and make sure they become your good friend
  14. Make sure these female friends read People's Magazine.
  15. Make sure these female friends like to nominate people's name for fun.

Note: you must follow these 15 steps religiously. Missing any of these or in different order may have horrible consequences and I will not be held responsible if your name get nominated in Playgirl/Playboy most beautiful people.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Sunday, June 26, 2005


there's something about ..... last night

This sounds like a romantic movie title many years ago starring demi-moore before the "Bruce Willis" era, or this sounds like a porno title.

In anyway, this is about a very frustrating night that I have last night.

I got an invitation last night to a wedding dinner in Suntec City. One of my in-laws cousin got married. In short, the word "in-laws" equals to "nabeh".

But I thought... wedding dinner at Suntec... no matter how bad... is still enjoyable. Afterall, Suntec is my favourite shopping mall. We could go shopping till the very last minute and go in for Cheap dinner. "Cheap" as in something along the line of another wedding dinner I went with Jeff few months ago. How enjoyable is that!!

So I started off in good mood, hit the CTE and exiting at Plaza Singapura. Just when my car was waiting to get onto Orchard Road outside Plaza Singapore, I heard from radio that certain roads will be closed because of NDP rehearsal.

You see, I know my way around Singapore. But if you tell me Road A is close, I sometimes do not know where is Road A even if I drive on it frequently. So those road closure makes no sense to me.

But I thought Suntec and Padang quite far apart leh... should be fine.

So I managed to get onto Orchard Road after a while, and the only way to go Suntec is via Bras Basah Road. (The road between Rendezvous Hotel and new SMU).

I was still in good mood entering Bras Basah Road.... for about 5 mins.

I was actually stuck on that road for about 30 mins!!

And the most frustrating thing is.... just when I finally have eye-contact with Suntec, I realised why traffic was so bad.

Because... there is NO THROUGH ROAD to Suntec. All Cars must EXIT at Beach Road!!! NI NA BEH!!!! From a 3 lane road and turn into a 2 lane road, you can imagine the bottleneck.

If not for the stupid wedding dinner we have to attend, I would have drove to Bugis Junction or go back liao.

But I thought.... hey... that is a slip road just next to Shaw towers that could enter in Nicole Highway and from there you can enter into Suntec. Well... that is not too bad a detour.

Another bombshell came. This side of the road turning in from Bras Basah Road DO NOT allow right turn into that slip road that cuts into Nicole Highway. I have to make U-Turn further up and join the already long queue trying to enter the slip road. KNN.

But an Idea came to my mind. A Brilliant Idea. I was so proud of myself.

I decided to hit the ECP. That is a entrance into ECP next to THE Plaza Hotel. Once on ECP, I can then enter into the Rochor Exit which is next to Suntec. HOR SAY LIAO!!! BRILLIANT IDEA!!!

So there I was entering into ECP, smiling to myself how smart I was.

NI NA BEH!!!! The Rochor Exit was behind me, and my next exit is Marina South!!!

Bo bian. Must exit Marina South, do a U-turn inside marina South, hit the ECP again on the other side and then enter the Rochor exit.

Time taken to reach Suntec 1 hour and 15 mins!!!

And I think I'm not the only victim. The whole car park is so empty. For once you can choose a very nice lot, next to the lift.

When I arrive into Suntec, whatever shopping time I have is gone. So I thought my only saving grace is to enjoy a sumptious dinner at an affordable "rate".

KNN!! The food is one of the worst I have ever taken!!! Suddenly I realised we have over-"Ang Paoed".

Just to give you an idea how bad the food was. During the dinner, we have at least half the plate of Roasted Chicken which we could not finished. YES... CHICKEN! I couldn't even force myself to finish the plate of Chicken. What a travesty!

So we ask the captain to "Da Pao" for one of the relative back home who couldn't come.

What the captain said was the "highlight" of the day. Super highlight. That remains as the most highlight ever in my life.

He told us that "da pao" is not encourage by the chef (what chef, I can cook better with 1 hand tied to the back) and if we do insist, we have to sign an INDEMNITY FORM!!! Nabeh.

Their food must be so bad that people must have "Da pao" so much and have complained so much that they decided to protect themselves. Do be fair, we never know whether other banquets have such practices, but to be fair, we never have to "da pao" roasted chicken home because I would have finished them off.

It's official. "In-laws" = "Nabeh". They can even overpowered the attractiveness of Suntec City. Never underestimate the "in-laws".

Friday, June 24, 2005

there's something about ..... technicolor

No... the musical is not in town.

I was told by someone very boring, dull, and who always stay home on Saturday night playing the same online game he has been playing in the last few years (and I don't mean bandit....), whose other hobbies include porno and football, whose favourite soccer team was the team he love grewing up which is Liverpool, who play tennis averagely well but lose to me and never want to play with me again because I suan him so much..... that my blog is too glaring.

Green and yellow is glaring? win liao. Like that traffic light also glaring.

Will change to duller colours once I migrate this to my personal website. But first, let me learn how to create website.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

there's something about ..... lost again

Just finished watching the 4th espisode of Lost. So this will set the pattern of the remaining shows. Each espisode revealing the past about everyone.

I'm eagerly awaiting to see what happen to the korean couple before the crash. And what will happen in the island with the korean wife. I'm sensing a bit of "desperate housewife" happening in the show. YEAH!!!!

Frankly speaking, the actual "Desperate Housewife" bored me. Not very desperate leh.

Anyway, was talking to Lily today about "Lost". I felt there is no way this show can have a second season. This show is about suspense, not about relationship. Once the suspense is out, the show will lose the appeal. And by end of the season and if they are still in the island, that means any second season will dealt with relationship among each other on the island. That will be like "friends" on deserted island, that will be "OC" on deserted island. Just doesn't work.


They come up with

"Pulau Ubin: Lost"
"Phuket: Lost"

... CSI style.

Monday, June 20, 2005

there's something about ..... father's day

Today I celebrated Father's Day, my first, in the most nabeh fashion.

I woke up with a headache-attributed-to-heatiness that plague me the whole day. It's hard to explain what is headache-attributed-to-heatiness is, but I seems to be the only one in the family that has it.

It comes and go in few seconds, and in an hour, it will happens about 10 times. And when it happens, my face will cramp together and I will have tears coming from my eyes.

Usually this will last for days unless I decided to take Panadols which I just did.

That aside, who ever invented Father's Day must be :
  • not a Singaporean
  • or he got no in-laws

Otherwise, why did they invent Father's Day to fall on a Sunday? Don't they realised in Singapore, we always most often sure must never say fail need to visit our in laws on Sunday?

So what joy would father's day bring to a father like myself, if I have to visit my in laws?

And if visiting in-laws is already as boring as it can be, it's worse when my nephews in law are a pain as they always are.

They are rude, noisy, obnoxious.....

Sometimes I feel they should change the law of Father's Day abit. They should banned in-law visiting on Father's Day.

If banning it, is not possible, they should ban nephews from visiting their grandparents on Father's day.

Of if banning of nephews is not possible, they should allow caning by their uncle so that father's day will be enjoyable.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

there's something about ..... information on a need to know basis

I have hardly complained about my maid. But after staying together for about 4 months, sure got complaints one lah.

Of course, right now, it's about playing psychological warefare with the maid. Apparently, she has told my wife that she is quite afraid of me.

And because of that, I have been instructed by my wife and mum, to act the role of The Enforcer; The Sith; The Terminator; All I have to do is to "Not Smile, look unhappy, no need to talk".

So everyday, I'm leading dual lives. And after 2 years, I will have split personality and I will need to see a shrink.

Anyway, my biggest problem about my maid is that she has a terrible voice. While to some, this is not a problem because how often will the maid talk? But not this one.

This one talks alot. Not only that, she talks alot, very loudly. Not only that, she talks alot, very loudly and very incomprehensible. Meaning, anything that comes out of her mouth could technically be termed "noise".

And she also laugh alot. Very cheerful right. Must be very good right. But noise is still noise. Whichever form it comes in.

Anyway, yesterday she appears to be very quiet. Sensing that and being a good employer that I am, I decided to ask my wife about it. Of course, I didn't expect my wife to have an answer, and I just ask for the sake of asking. Even if my wife is to ignore my question, I will still take silence as an answer and my life move on.

Me: Why Umi so quiet today?

Desperate Housewife: She is having her period.

Me: Ni Na Beh

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

there's something about ..... that chiong dvd

This is it. This is my Great Singapore Sale's evidence from Carrefour: China-imported-chiong-karaoke-DVD

I was naive. They were showing a similarly chiong but a Stephanie Sun's Karaoke DVD with original Music Videos on TV, and I decided that this being displayed next to it must be not too bad.


I should have analysed more!! But at $7, sometimes you wonder...

The tell-tale sign that this DVD is superly chiong is the english translation.

“一生何求” is "What For in All The Life"

Champion!! Ask Gar'ment.. How to speak good english? You go carrefour and walk one round, and you will be influenced by broken english already.

There are other classic translation in the album:

“浪子心声” is "Dissipator's Inspiration"

“盼望的缘份” is "The Predestined Relationship Reason”

“南北一家亲” is "We're One, South and North"

Come to think of it, actually $7 for a soft-porn DVD with nice songs is not that bad lah. On top of that, can humour me with funny titles. WHERE TO FIND!!!!

Carrefour lor.

Monday, June 13, 2005

there's something about ..... benedict goh

Recently Channel News Asia was searching for a new host for each of their lifestyle series, sports series and gourmet series.

And with the American Idol format gaining popularity, sms voting became the way to go in choosing people.

And Ni Na Beh, Benedict Goh won the lifestyle series!!!! All these voters obviously have stamps on their eyes. Or they have super short memory of our once Pyramid Games' host with his great pose and stiff upper lib.

the many facade of Benedict Goh.

And what I can't stand the most is his a-la mariah carey-always-shoot-on-my-left-side.

During the whole of Channel News Asia, you only see his left side like those pictures above. Why?

Because he only has 1 dimple and it's on his left face!! Vainpot!

Suddenly, the never-go-wrong-in-selecting-presenters' Channel News Asia finally got it wrong and this time they fall at the hands of benedict goh family members and friends SMS voters.

And suddenly the credibility of CNA is under siege. And I must now say that CNA will not be my favourite channel anymore.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

there's something about ..... great singapore sale

I was there!!! I was there at Suntec City on Saturday night for the midnight sale ending at 2am!!!

And I realised probably half of Singapore population are there as well. Nabeh!!

To think I thought reaching Suntec at 10pm will be just about right to beat the crowd. But I realised the other half of Singapore population also have the same idea and the Car Park was full. Decided to drive to Millenia Walk to park my car there but was also greeted with a "full" sign. Nabeh! Anyway, managed to find a parking lot in Millenia after a while wait.

What's with these Singaporean? Suntec City only mah. Go from morning 10am to 10pm lah, why go after 10pm?!?!?!? Why can't these people go in the afternoon like Jeff and Elaine did.

And My god... Suntec is at the most crowded I ever seen. I'm sure if Suntec City apply for indepedence, they would have been granted sovereigncy and will become the smallest country beating Vatican City.

Finally, Singaporean has a good alternative to Night Safari and nobody is giving up this chance to go Suntec for midnight shopping.

First Stop... U2. Too crowded. Decided to give it a miss. nabeh.

Next... Fox. Lagi Crowded. But additional discount given by credit card company on top of the sale is too good to miss. Squeeze lor. Also, don't mind squeezing with the young and trendy, machiam like those days in Madam Wong. Desmond would know how I feel.

Next... Giordano. Too Crowded. Forget it.

G2000.... too crowded. Forget it.

Nike (ground floor).... Shutter down for crowd control. Nabeh.

Addidas.... too crowded. Forget it.

Decided to go up to second floor.

Why Pay More... too crowded. Forget it.

Tower Records.... nobody. Forget it.

Nike... very happening shop. All street wear but the shop too small. Too crowded. Walk 1 round, decided to give up. Nabeh.

Carrefour next. After going thru those china-imported-chiong DVDs, decided to buy 1 music DVD at $7 (will talk about it next time) and also bought 1 original Stephanie Sun CD at $5.

And the crowd is getting too big. In all my trips to Carrefour, I have never been injured except perhaps my wallet, or emotionally injured after spending $7 for a china-imported-music-DVD of an artiste but realised it's bikini women running around in the music videos like those found in Karaoke Lounge.

But this time, one fat woman actually roll her trolley over my foot. Nabeh!! Too much liao, I didn't travel all the way from Ang Mo Kio to Suntec City in the night after 10, spend more time looking for a car park lot, walk basically from the front to the back of Suntec City because every shop is too crowded, ended up in Carrefour, bought a china-imported-chiong-music-DVD and to have my foot rolled over by a trolley by a fat woman.

Not to mention the queue to pay up. These people buy in bulk of anything they can find. Pampers, Rice, Potato Chips. I suppose it's that Kiasu mentality to make their trips there more worthwhile.

But one idiot just buy 1 china-imported-chiong-music-DVD with bikini women from japan swimming inside.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

there's something about ..... lost

Currently watching the first hour of "LOST". So much hype surrounding the show, top rated in US, so it must be good.

Still trying to find out how good this is. Dunno anything about the show except 48 guys surviving a crash in an unknown island.

My first thought about "Lost" is that these 48 guys got lost from the civilisation and the drama is about how they are found.

But now, I'm not too sure. I think the show is about JURASSIC PARK's LOST WORLD. Thus the name of the show "Lost" as in Lost World.

Still watching to find out what this is all about. Hope it's something interesting.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

there's something about ..... sexual abstinence

I recently brought Ian to have his head shaved. It was an interesting experience not because your son's hair is being shaved but also someone's else son's hair is being shaved.

In comparison, Ian's hair shaving experience is a non-event in comparison.

Shaolin disciple

Just when Ian is in the midst of shaving, another customer came in. The contingent included the baby's parents, the maid and the baby of course. For easy reference, we shall call the baby "S".

They look like your decent couple. The guy looks like someone in front of the computer whole day. The wife is rather chatty. She would initiate conversation with us like how old is the baby etc. "S" is 4 months old.

After Ian became botak, we hang around choosing the shaft to make a writing brush out of Ian's hair.

So it's now "S" turn to have his hair shaved.

I was too pre-occupied about choosing the shaft to notice anything about "S". After we were done with our purchase, we kinda bump into them outside the shop. I think they were waiting for us to finish choosing before entering back to the shop again.

Now, what has this got to do with sexual abstinence? Will go to that soon.

I still wouldn't have notice anything about "S" had his mum not be so chatty and stopped us on our track. We would have just say bye and go. But she decided to be Kay Poh and ask which shaft and how much we pay for it.

This is when I notice there were something on "S" head. The whole head is shaved except these certain "spots" on "S" anterior fontanelle or above the forehead and below the skull area.

It's like the character below in LAO FU ZI where there are few strands of standing hair except they are not few strands but few small spots of hair.

Big Potato

These few spots of hair are so visible and there are glued-like substance sticking these spots of hair to the head.

The chatty wife sensing my "stares" (sorry... I'm a curious guy, I can't pretend oblivious) decided to explain.

Chatty wife: He got dandruffs.

Me: Ahh......

I'm a trustful person. I believe anything people tell me. So while walking to my car with my wife, my wife could stand my stupidity and ask me.

Desperate housewife: You believe it's really dandruff meh.

Not so desperate but cool husband or me: Not meh....

D.H: Baby where got dandruff one!!

N.S.D.B.C.H or me: yeah hor... then what is it?


If you haven't heard, if you have SEX during your wife's pregnancy, your sperm will end up on your kid's head. These "dandruff" will go off in months.

I have heard about it but this is the first time I actually saw it.

And I can't help thinking about that couple again. What the Hell is that guy thinking?!?!?! He look so geeky but within he is a Animal!!!

If you look at my baby's photo up there, you will know that I practice abstinence.

And now I can't help looking at baby's head from now on. It's my wife's fault. I will be looking at the baby's head and if I see sperm, I will look at the guy and think "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!!"

Anthony.... I will be observing your baby!!