Monday, February 28, 2005

there's something about ..... my car's headlamp

It's quite east to spot my car in Singapore... at night.

Not because I spray my car luminous red with reflective strips pasted across the car.

It's because since last week, I have switch on my headlights while driving. You know the headlights that drivers use to flash at women drivers, or the same headlights that drivers use to flash at women drivers with triangle plate.

Why? Not so that I can see traffic police from far away and slow down, or to glare brightly at the traffic police speed camera so that it is incapable of taking picture of your speeding car.

It's because my normal lights are not working. Not one but both. For a while, I have been driving with just one light not working. But since the other one is ok, I didn't bother to change the lights.

But both were down last week. The funny thing is, the normal lights and the headlights is actually the same bulb. That means, it's not exactly spoiled. And I decided to save money by using only headlights when I drive.

And I just realised, while I'm probably the most easily spotted, I'm also the most hated driver.

Cars in front of you, either move aside, point at their mirror, point their middle finger or speed off. Car from the opposite row will sometimes flash back.

Why can't these people understand... I wasn't flashing. Flashing is like telling you "HEY, can you drive faster? Tortise!"

I'm simply have my headlights on throughout. Why can't they simply accept my normal sedan as another SUV driving behind.

Does only the SUVs have that exclusive rights of glaring you because their car is taller and more expensive?

If people can wear fake Rolex or use Fake LV bags, I can pretend my car to be a SUV.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

there's something about ..... having a maid (already)

Like all sequels, this sequel will be a letdown.

My maid arrived yesterday morning amid all the anticipations in the family that no one admitted to. I think even our neighbours are quietly curious to see our maid. Not to mention some of you reading this post. Yes... U... Lily!!

I woke up yesterday with a mini stomach-ache plus headache, and you know such combo is an omen, like KFC combo meal that comes with 3 breast meats that is over-cooked and gas-less pepsi.

Of course, now we know what the omen is for. Ave 1 and Ave 5!

Anyway, my new maid is.... far. Maybe like the cantonese saying “屎缸也有三天香”. Loosely translated is "toilet bowl also smell good in the first 3 days".

So we are all looking at how long this will last before we start complaining about her.

I will not attempt to take photo of her and put it in my blog. Just in case, this could one day haunt me if I become a Nominated MP.

Friday, February 25, 2005

There's something about ..... my blog and traffic police

It's confirmed!!! Traffice Police saw my blog last night!!

How else could anyone explain that this morning, they announced via their website and Straits Times that they will deploy speed cameras along Ang Mo Kio Ave 1 and Ang Mo Kio ave 5.

I stay along Ang Mo Kio Ave 2. But the Traffic Police has more or less ensure that the moment I drive, I will be checked! If I turn left of Ave 2, it's Ave 5. If I turn right of Ave 2, it's Ave 1.

You tell me it's a coincidence? Huh!

It's also confirmed!!! Traffic Police caught me speeding this evening!!!

I let down my guard this evening about 6.45pm, thinking "maybe they are off-work". I was on my way back along Ave 1, driving at 80km/h.

And Suddenly, I saw 3 men standing on the overhead bridge, 2 of which wear white uniforms!!! I stepped on my brake real hard!!! But I could only reduce my speed to about 70km/h when I reach the bridge.


I like to apologise to the Traffic Police for making those comments in my blog last night.

I truly believe the objective behind what the Traffice Police was doing is genuiue.

I admire those men in white Uniforms even if they have big ears. White Uniforms with speed cameras is very smart!

Traffic Police are the greatest. They save lives.

Please, if you are reading this blog again..... I was just drunk yesterday and since i can't drive (you see, I'm even remember the slogan), I type.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

There's something about ..... that reply from traffic police

traffic police at Upper Bukit Timah Road

Below is extracted from Asiaone without their permission, nor any permission was taken from the Mr Big Ears above.

THE traffic police, who have been slammed for being 'sneaky' and 'grossly unfair' in their recent clampdown on speeding motorists, yesterday sprang a surprise. After receiving a barrage of feedback and some stinging brickbats in The Straits Times Forum pages, they agreed to ease up on the surprise element of their checks by listing on their website the roads where officers, armed with laser speed cameras, will be deployed.

Smart move. Now we can't call them names anymore. Your appeal letters to them will come back with replies like..."We already list the locations in the website, so it's your fault for not checking!"

It's like right now when you are getting ready to go out and before you head for the door, your wife will say "dear, have you switch on the power, on the PC and Modem, wait for windows to launch, log in into traffic Police website and check all the roads with speed camera? And remember to off the PC and Modem and off the power..ok.

Warning signs may also be put up on the roads to alert motorists ahead of speed traps. In addition, officers will wear white uniforms during the day and don vests with yellow reflectors at night, to make them more visible on the roads.

Oh yeah... more like to make sure they are visible so that no one will knock them down.

Another concession: the police, together with the Land Transport Authority will consider reviewing the speed limits of roads which motorists say are 'too slow' on a monthly, instead of quarterly basis. The current quarterly review, to be completed by April 1, of more than 40 roads includes Upper Bukit Timah Road, Upper Serangoon Road, Thomsom Road and Tampines Avenue 10 - all stretches frequently cited by motorists as having too low a speed limit. Said Traffic Police Commander Ng Guat Ting: 'We recognise the sentiments of the motoring public that speed enforcement can only be seen as reasonable if the speed limits are deemed reasonable by the motoring public too.' But she made clear that while the traffic police will take a more open and transparent approach in enforcement and consider motorists' suggestions, overall road safety will not be compromised.

That means they will now not hide behind bushes or wear camouflaged uniforms, hide behind gates......

The Traffic Police also stood their ground on the accuracy of the laser speed cameras and the effectiveness of their speed traps. Whether the officer is standing by the road or on an overhead bridge, the camera accurately captures images of speeding vehicles and clocks the speed in split-second intervals which are then scrutinised to make sure that an offence has been committed. 'The photographs and readings are clear and accurate enough to be tendered as evidence in court,' added Commander Ng.

Your wife will always be the prettiest, your son will always be the cutest, you will always be the most handsome, your dog will always be the most opedient, your speed cameras will always be the most accurate.....

Its use has already saved lives, she maintained. Since the cameras came into use in June last year, the number of fatalities caused by speeding has dropped, from 65 cases in 2003 to 52 last year. In January this year, there were no accidents resulting in serious injury, compared with five in the same month last year, before the cameras came into use.

This is another example of misleading statistics. Why use the statistics for the whole year when the camera only came on in June? Why not use June to December as comparison? Afterall, they use just January 2005 vs January 2004.

Commander Ng also said there was nothing random in the way officers decided where to deploy teams with the laser speed cameras. Accident-prone areas, school zones, and stretches of road frequently cited in complaints about excessive speeding, top the list. Speeding remains a major problem on local roads, she added. In 2003, 48,930 summonses were issued. Last year's tally, which will be out in March, will be 'significantly higher' because of stepped up enforcement and the accuracy of the new laser speed cameras.

Of course, speeding is a major problem on local roads. Not only that, nose-digging ranks no.2. What other problems can you find on the roads?

I also pitty those 48930 summonses, simply because they may be the victims of not-so-accurate speed cameras.

Drivers are often a lot more than marginally over the limit too. For two hours earlier this month, the traffic police clocked the speed of 800 vehicles along Upper Bukit Timah Road, which has a 50kmh limit. They found that 30 per cent of vehicles zoomed by at 80kmh and 10 per cent went above 90kmh. The highest speed clocked: 141kmh by a motorbike, and 124kmh by a car.

Wow. I was wrong in my earlier post. Donald Trump will not only be green, he will become the CEO of Traffic Police!!

800 cars x 40% who speed = 320 cars
320 cars x $150 = $48000 for 2 hours
1 hour = $24000!!!!!!

In 1 hour, the LTA already earn back the salary they pay to that Speed-camera-holder (Mr Big Ear Above).

Or based on $10 an hour, that is a whopping 2400 times return on labour costs!

Director of police public affairs, Senior Assistant Commissioner Tan Puay Kern said: 'If we really want to catch people and hit quotas, we don't have to put up warning signs. People forget that our job is to save lives.'

That shows it's a common perception. Quotas!!!

Anyway, I agreed speeding is dangerous. People who speed like 120 to 140km/h are putting themselves and other public at risks.

I just do not agree with they manner they summon people.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

There's something about ..... CNY visiting

Tomorrow is the 15th and last day of Chinese New Year (CNY). In Chinese customs, you have all that 15 days to visit your relatives and friends at their homes or welcome them to your home.

Today I went visiting (yes.. last minute one)to 2 of my relatives' house. It's those relatives that are not important to visit very early in the CNY period, but important enough not to miss it totally.

Or another way putting it, relatives you only meet once a year and for all that 20 minutes of it.

20 minutes...... It's shorter than a Sitcom.

20 minutes...... It's how much a woman spend in the bathroom, just doing up the face.

But this 20 minutes at my relatives' place is as long as The Last Emperor. Time seems to freeze. Suddenly you felt taking Uni exams is much easier.

In this 20 minutes, you try to recap the last 1 year in summary. And if you lead normal life without much excitment, your 1 year of life can be easily summarized in 5 minutes. This year, we try to use my wife's pregnancy as a conversation topic and that last another 5 more minutes.

And you realised the next 10 minutes is like watching The Last Emperor the second time round.

Immediately your survival instinct came into use. Before the 10th minute is up, you started to glance thru your relative's head and see what can be the next conversation topic.

The aim is not to have any awkward silence.

You started to scan thru your memory and see if they have done any new home improvements.

"Oh.. you got a new wall paint?"
"Nice colour. Which Brand?"
"Nippon is good"
"Did you paint yourself or you got someone to do it?"
"Wah... you very can!"
"How many cans of paint did you buy?"
"is it expensive?"
"How long did you take?"
"Wah So long... but the result is worth it."

5 minutes gone.

And the last 5 minutes is a breeze. You started to shift your buttocks abit to indicate that it's time to leave. Then follow by the "'s getting late" look at your watch.

Then they will always offer you to stay for dinner. You will always say no because of... (any reasoning is lost in translation because the host is also busy trying to get you out of the house)

5 minutes gone.

Monday, February 21, 2005

There's something about ..... my pregnant wife

This was taken when my wife was 6 and half months pregnant. Wanted to take the photos closer to delivery when the stomach will be much bigger, but so will other parts of her. Like Big Nose, Big face, Fat Legs, fat everything.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

There's something about ..... having a maid (soon)

This year is the biggest year of my life.

And no... it's not because my indonesian maid is coming. (What were you thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!)

It's because my wife (finally a mention) is giving birth to my son sometimes in April.

I've mention almost everyone in my blog so far from my friends to a bike in malaysia to goverment bodies to Donald Trump to abalone, but no mention about my wife.

Because of the new addition to the family of 4 including my parents, we have decided that a maid is necessary to cope with the uncertainty of who will do what, and what should do first, during the arrival of my baby.

This may be an expensive way of dealing with undecisiveness, but my mum who is the Chief Operating Officer of Home Affairs is getting of age, and I think it's time she take a rest.

And this is the first time we are having a maid. And also the first time a stranger is living in the house with us.

What kind of adjustments must I make? I dunno. For a start, that means I have to wear my shirt to the living area in case the maid decided that my muscular body is too much a distraction for her to concentrate on cleaning the dust off the TV screen.

How would she address me? She will probably call my mum, being the COO, "mum" which makes her almost my half-sister. But since my wife is paying for her salary, she might also call my wife "mum", which makes her the sister of my yet-to-be-borned child, and grand-daughter of my mum.

How about meal times? How about going out? Do I ask her to pour a cup of coffee for me in the morning? Can I ask her to deliver the morning papers to the breakfast table with the coffee waiting for me every morning at 10.30am?

Looks like my Orientation Program for Employers of Foreign Maid is not helping, even when I pass with flying colours and gotten a certificate from Singapore Poly!

Looks like I'm still disoriented.

Friday, February 18, 2005

There's something about ..... Traffic Offences now.

Why the word "now", I personally think the previous "management" of Traffic Police is much better.

My understanding is that Traffic Police now comes under Land Transport Authority (LTA) instead of Home Affairs. And of course, Home Affairs is about Law and Order and with that it's about fair and equity. LTA..... is about "Ka-Ching!".

In recent newspaper forums, many "victims" of traffic offences have complained about how they have been caught unaware of new speed limits and unaware of the increase rate of summoning activies.

And I mean really high level of summoning activities. It's like LTA probably hired part-timers paying them $10 an hour and asking them to stand in the sheltered overhead-bridge holding a speed camera. And in that one hour, they probably could catch 20 cars "speeding" and fine them about $150 each. That is the best business model which probably will make Donald Trump green with envy.

My views are biased. I'm a car-driver. I drive every day. I usually drive at 80 to 90km/h on most roads. I'll slow down at locations with a speed camera and speed off after I have passed them.

And something about Singapore roads are that unless otherwise stated, most roads comes with a defaulted 50km/h speed limit. And there aren't that many "unless otherwise stated".

So naturally, most of us will drives at speed faster than buses. Otherwise I will seriously question my ability to rationalise by spending $60k on a car just so that I drive at 50km/h.

But things change.

Now you drive at 60km/h and you could be fine $150 and 6 demerit points, not because you road-hog or drive slightly faster than a bus, but because you SPEED!

And the worse thing is, you only receive your summon 2 months down the road because of the increase summoning activities which the backroom staff are not able to cope and the machines not able to produce pass the usual churning pace.

Now, who can remember where you drive exactly 2 months ago? Did you lend out your car? Did anyone from your family took your car? Why did you speed?

So if you think COE prices is low now and thinking of buying a car, think carefully. The fines may cost more than your monthly installment!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

There's something about ..... being one of 8 winner of $10m TOTO

I could be one of them still as my wife is still going thru the stacks of betting slips, but it's already known that there will be 8 millionaires sharing the prize of $10m.

That is $1.25m per millionaire.

That means to these 8 of us (GOD... Please let me be one of them):
  • I (Still hoping) still have to listen in to Budget 2005. My (still hoping) effort alone will not improve on GDP estimates.
  • My alarm clock will continue to function as alarm clock.
  • My New Moon Abalone will still be in my cabinet reserves for special occasion.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

There's something about ..... winning that $10m TOTO

For the uninitiated (Are you an Alien?), tomorrow is the New Year Draw for TOTO where you can win $10 million!!!

Today I spoke with my buddy Jeff and he mentioned that if he win all of the $10m, he will give me $100,000. After calculating, it's a mere 1% of the total prize money!!!

2 things to note.

Firstly, is the size of the prize! $10m!!!!!!! That is $10,000,000. SEVEN zeros!! At 1% you still get $100k. Your life will change and that is an understatement!!
  • You no longer have to worried about how fast your car depreciated, by the day!
  • You no longer have to bother about the Budget 2005 announcement this Friday! You almost immediately improve the GDP estimates.
  • You no longer have to save money just so that you can buy pirated xbox games, You Buy Originals!
  • You no longer need to see another day of an alarm clock, you quit and pay back the company 1 month salary rounded up to the nearest thousand as tips.
  • You can now open up your last can of New Moon Abalone reserve for special occasions and feed the ants and not feel a pinch for it.

Lists could go on.

The second thing to note is........ 1%?!?!?!??!?! I'm worth that 1% from Jeff?

You know how important you are in the eyes of your friends if they ever ever strike TOTO!

For those who really strike TOTO tomorrow, remember to donate money to charities and Tsunami Relief Fund.

There's something about ..... that bike

Hmmph!!... Wait till I grow up!

This is a photo taken in Malaysia, 四湾岛. That boy (yes... the right one) is my unofficial "Godson" Bryan, also son of my buddyress Lily.

We were there for a short holiday as well as helping out our friend's wedding.

Anyway, the story behind this photo is that, bryan wanted to take a ride in the bike but was not allowed to.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

There's something about ..... Blogging

Finally!!! Sort out how the cowdunk this blog works!! This is alot more complicated than recording a show on VCR on multiple timings but easier than flying a plane....

If only they have more templates to choose from. I guess humans are never happy with "Defaults".

There's something about ..... your first time

This is it. My first independent foray into something so "high tech". As usual, in all virgin post... this word must appear...."Testing"