Thursday, May 26, 2005

there's something about ..... destiny

Destiny n, pl A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control

This is a pictorial tribute to the biggest comeback in History by the Greatest club in History.

Liverpool 3 - 3 AC Milan
Liverpool win 3-2 on penalties
Champions League Final

The "First minute Goal a.k.a Nabeh"

The "Second Goal a.k.a KNN"

The "Third Goal a.k.a OMFG-I-can't-believe-it!"

The "First Goal a.k.a A New Hope"

The "Second Goal a.k.a Empire Strikes Back"

The "Third Goal a.k.a Return of the Kop"

The "SAVE"

The "YEAH!!!!!!We Did it!!!!"

The "Coronation"

The "We are the Champion"

The "Captain"

The "The Real Special One"

The "Victory Parade"

The "Destiny"

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

there's something about ..... tonight's champions league game

It's Liverpool vs A.C Milan.

It's been 20 years since Liverpool won the Champions League and 20 years since they played in the champions league final.

So you could imagine that kind of emotions I have since this morning. Those anticipation, those goose pimples.

Over the last donkeys years when I have been a sports fan, such feelings only happens a few times.
  1. Boris Becker vs Ivan Lendl. Boris won in Australian Open.
  2. The last Malaysia Cup Singapore won with Abbas Saad and Fandi Ahmad.
  3. Michael Jordan last game when he made that winning shot.
  4. Liverpool's game today. The outcome notwithstanding.

Oh... I forgot to mention the Tiger Cup Singapore won this year. That was so damn prestigious and so damn exciting that the emotions I got was comparable to constipation.

GO LIVERPOOL GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

There's something about ..... botak and sports excellence

Thierry Henry (soccer)

Andre Agassi (Tennis)

David Beckham (soccer)

Michael Jordan (basketball)

Ian (shit shooting)

Monday, May 23, 2005

there's something about ..... flying shit

Gek Sai

Ian has shown me a few things in life I never thought I would see.

He has shown me that shit can travel horizontally and that you could measure how far shit can shoot..... approximately 2 feet or 60 cm.

This has happened 3 times. All came as a surprise and we were caught totally unprepared.

The first time, while changing diapers for him, my mum put him near the edge of her bed. Suddenly, the flying shit shoot out and hit the TV console. NO KIDDING!

A friend who came visiting also kenna when the flying shit kenna her hand. And my friend wasn't even doing anything near him.

And the other day, the flying shit also kenna my wife's leg while again changing his diapers, and also kenna the bedsheet which was freshly put up. Atlas, my maid has to change the bedsheet again.

Based on the last incident, I have measured that his shit reached as far as 60 cm from his ass..... horizontally.

I think it's time I call in the Guiness World Of Records and see if this is registered.

Friday, May 20, 2005

there's something about ..... star wars

No... this is not a review of the show that we (KLCA, JET, LCC, DY) caught last night.

I didn't want to condemn the show of the franchise I love so much. I have also accepted that Star Wars is never about acting or execution of storyline. It's about story-telling.

Who didn't know that Anakin will become Darth Vadar, or Padme will give birth to twins, or Obi Wan and Yoda will survive the revenge of the Sith. And that the twins will be known as Luke and Leia. (my wife didn't know)

This blog is about: Star Wars ..... do you know....?

  • The Code of Jedi
There is no emotion
There is peace
There is no ignorance
There is knowledge
There is no passion
There is serenity
There is no death
There is the FORCE

  • The Sith Code
Peace is a lie
There is only passion
Through Passion
I gain Strength
Through Strength
I gain Power
Through Power
I gain Victory
Through Victory
my chains are broken
The Force shall
set me free

  • That Jedi cannot fall in love (make love also cannot, essentially a Jedi is like those Monks in Period movies)
  • Boba Fett is Orphaned by Mace Windu (played by Samuel L Jackson)
  • Anakin cannot become a Jedi Master because only when you have trained someone to become a Jedi Knight then you could become a Jedi Master.
  • Luke Skywalker as infant was raised by Owen Lars, who is the stepson of Shmi Skywalker who is the mother of Anakin Skywalker.
  • C-3PO had his memory erased to keep the identities of the twins secret.
  • R2-D2's memory is intact. Which is why he was excited to see Obi-Wan in EP IV.
  • You see Jar Jar Binks in EP III. Why? Because it was him who innocently proposed granting emergency powers to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, changing the face of the Republic.
  • Bai Ling has a scene in EP III but was cut on the editing floor.
  • The boy who was fighting the clone troopers outside the Jedi Temple is George Lucas' Son.
  • George Lucas also make a few seconds cameo in EPIII at the Galaxies Opera where Anakin goes to meet Chancellor palpatine.

Things we learned only after watching EPIII:

  • When women give birth, there is a viewing gallery where Jedi Masters will watch probably out of curiousity, since they cannot make love.. so this is the only chance for them to see women naked from bottom.
  • That Jedi can withstand heat from Vocanic Lava and still won't die.
  • That woman can just die because they loss the will to survive a-la taiwanese soap opera.
  • That in the universe of Star Wars, people named their kids immediately just after the baby is borned without going through Geomancer like Somebody.
  • The Floor to ceiling glass concept in modern Condominium in Singapore is taken from Star Wars.
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi is a British.
  • Why Darth Vadar is so much taller... since no leg already, might as well make it longer.
  • The story in EPIII span over 9 months. Started with Padme saying she's pregnant. Ended with Padme giving birth. But of course, maybe the Force is Stronger... baby also grow faster.
  • If George Lucas is to film I to III before IV to VI, then it will make Darth Vadar in Empire Strikes Back's "I AM YOUR FATHER" less dramatic.
  • Now we know why EP VI is called Return of the Jedi.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

there's something about ..... fatherhood

I'm just into the infant stage of fatherhood. How has fatherhood changed me?

... heavier

I put on more weight. Contrary to beliefs when people lose weight when they have a baby... I actually gain weight.

Every free time is spend napping. Even after meals.

I stopped playing basketball for a while. Timing just isn't right.

... sleep lesser

I used to sleep 9 hours a day. Now I sleep 5 hours a night.... and say accumulative of 1 hour of napping. Shiong!!

... more x-box

No... I don't mean I bought another x-box. For some unexplained strange reason, I spend more time playing x-box. I used to spend say 1 hours a day. Now... it's probably like 2 over hours.

... fewer rentals on DVD

Once a week no more... In fact... haven't even rented anything since.

... more knowledgeable

I learned now that baby actually farts!!!! Alot!!!! With sound some more!!!

... paronoid

I became more paronoid. In fact this is a contagious disease. It's a phenonmenon that I have named this paranoid "Jeff Tan Syndrome". I used to wash my hands based on the number of times I go toilet. I don't even wash my hands for meals.

Now I wash my hands so damn frequent that I think I need to see a shrink.

... what suntec city

It's now Kiddy Palace.

... gag restraining order (by mum and wife)

I used to talk cock and bo chap about what I talk. Now it's different. I can't say anything to the kid without being told off my by mum and wife.

Me: Ian... (complimentaries)
Mum/wife: Shhh...
(ban tang... cannot praise babies... they believe the opposite will happen)

Me: Ian... (non-complimentaries)
Mum/wife: shhh....

... more excuses


Just last week, I managed to convince my wife that we should skip the inlaws because the baby was very cranky!!


... more TV shows in unearthly hours

which suits me fine. More Champions League Games on TV. More NBA games in the morning. I even get to watch those opening/closing transmission Mari Kita (more on that next blog)

... "you complete me"

I look forward to reaching home each time I'm out..... so that I can sleep. he he.

But of course, not before taking a look at Ian, hug him a bit, make him cry a bit... then I sleep lah. I very loving one ok.

there's something about ..... every Tuesday ST's life

Straits Times on Tuesday is not exactly my favourite day. Especially in
life section

Each time I will forget it's Tuesday and while flipping the papers innocently, I will be attacked by some horrible image of a slimming centre advertisment.

It's not your atypical slimming ad.

Most slimming ad comes with girls with curvy figures, some are celebrities, some may be model, some are pretty, some are presentable looking... all these are to give the idea of false hope in order to earn your money.

BUT THIS AD?!?!?!? It throw all conventional theories into the dustbin.

Sure.... it was CURVY figures. Sure... some people out there may idolise her. But instead of false hope.... it gives nightmare.

I pity the slimming centre.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

there's something about ..... amazing race's winner!

This must be the most exciting race so far!!

I'm so damn glad Uchenna and Joyce win it!! As long as not Rob and Amber. This is the first time there is so much pull and push factor for me to support one particular team so much.

And to think this almost became the most boring finale ever when Rob and Amber managed to get into the plane for the final leg which would give them a 1 hour headstart than Uchenna and joyce, which would have won them the title super easily, only for uchenna and joyce to be given a lucky break at the boarding gate when the pilot allow them in after the doors are closed.

Divine intervention.

But I must say Rob and Amber play the most competitive game ever!! They are the best competitor and they really lost out on bad luck..... which only happened to them in the final leg, which is dued to them for the way the played the game... survivor style.

Divine intervention.

To that Taxi Driver that brought Uchenna and Joyce to the finishing line but wouldn't allow them to leave unless they settle the full taxi fare, which could have cost uchenna and joyce $1m, ...... all i can say.... stupid! You could have earn yourself a super big tip.

Can't wait for the next race.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

there's something about ..... Road Signs

Somebody in LTA has a good sense of humour. DIVERTED?!?!?!

Soon we will have:

"Very Straight Geylang Road"
"Uneven Thomson Road"
"Curvy Nicole Highway"

Diverted?!? Why would there be a need to even put up a sign like that?

Boss : Salim, send the parcel to Eunos Road 8.
Salim called back from Eunos Road 8 junction : Boss, Diverted or Non Diverted?
Boss : Trying to be funny issit. You go fly cut and don't come back!

I always have a little problem with local roads.

Where do you know exactly where Upper Paya Lebar Road reaches Paya Lebar Road? Or Upper Thomson Road reaches Thomson Road?

And Why North Bridge Road and South Bridge Road is not exactly North and South. Seriously it's West and East.

Why Boundary Road is not exactly a boundary Road separating towns?

Why Still Road is always so busy?

Saturday, May 07, 2005

there's something about ..... my apology

To all goverment bodies, GLCs

I like to make a unreserved and sincere apology to all government bodies that I ever mentioned in my blog (or will be mentioned in future blogs) like LTA, A*Star, IRAS etc. for any comments that I make about them in this blog.

These are just silly outpour and I'm just being silly.

Please do not sue me but you can invite me to tea.

Also, I'm a supporter of PAP. And I pay my taxes on time. Just in case you like to know.

Thank you.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

there's something about ..... that birth cert

Today I gave my son the most precious present a father can give him... a citizenship in paper. I decided to be cheepo and give him a birth certificate.

And no... I didn't need to submit my explanation letter.

I started practicing writing his chinese name as early as 2 days ago. I go to the extend of making sure that every stroke is characterily correct. I ask my father about our surname and what would be the correct way of writing.

My dad almost disown me after I post that question.

This may sound stupid but after writing our surname for the last few decades, we each have a little variation. My dad wrote a version which I corrected him as not correct. I wrote a version which my dad say is not correct too.

And so we turn to Dictionary.

After we make sure all the strokes were correct, I spend the night practising away.

Today I went to ICA confidently that I will write the most beautiful chinese characters in my life. For your info, when strangers see my handwriting for the first time, they think I'm a Doctor.

But things did not exactly go my way. I forgot to bring the pen which I practise with. You may think "SO?". But when you are used to the thickness of the pen, the gripe and the ink flow that produce the most beautiful chinese words I ever written and made Chinese Calligraphy look like child play, you know I'm in trouble.

I felt like a Superman without the phonebooth, Darth Vadar without the mask....

And ICA being any government body, do not use good pens. They used those you can buy from Popular Bookstore like 10 pens for $1. And it's those pen with a transparent body that let you know when the ink is finished. And it's those pen that before you write, you draw a few zigzag lines on other pieces of papers to make sure the ink is fine. AND they do not have other pieces of papers. So I used my own.

And when the lady (is a nice lady) ask me to write on the birth cert, I got a minor shock. The height of the lines for me to write the characters on, is shorter than I thought. And I have for 2 full days, practice writing the characters bigger and taller.

And now I have to shrunk them about 0.5cm shorter.

Problem. Trying writing on a shorter height of a line, with a pen that doesn't have smooth flowing ink, on a birth cert which your son will use it throughout his life up to 12 years old and be ridicule by teachers who laugh at him because his dad wrote the characters like an Angmoh.

I wrote it and immediately I know I screwed up. The lady afer laminating the birth cert realised that the above word is not very well defined. She couldn't make out some of the strokes at all.

Surprise... Surprise... Surprise.

First Surprise, She took out a chinese Dictionary and search for the character. She later show me how it should be written. Of course I already knew how it was supposed to be written but was restricted by the height of the line. And I wonder what is the point, after all she already laminates the birth cert.

Second Surprise, she ask me whether I want to redo it? Win liao lor.... they should have tell me about the possibility of a second chance so that my first time will not be so stressed out and I may just produce nicer handwritings. So of course I want to redo it.

Third Surprise, Gar'ment got such good service!! According to Lily, this must be an indication that Election is coming.

Anyway, my second chance look just as screwed up as the first.

After examining the birth cert, I realised something is wrong. Not wrong, but why.

Why my wife's details goes above me. Afterall, the baby follow my surname, not hers. Of course, since she give birth to my son, chin chai lah. Let her be above lor.

Next, under the "mother's particulars", there is a field for birthdate and address but no such field was present on the "father's particulars". Maybe the government want to buy her a birthday present sent by registered post.

Also they needed the address of the informant which could be anybody other than us. In this instance, since I'm signing the birth cert, the informant would be me.

Now... let me digest. To the government, the person who fathered the child will only get a mention. Where he stay and when he is borned is immaterial.

The informant who jolly well could be any helpful neighbour gets to sign the birth cert and address listed so that gar'ment know where to look for him? But looking for the biological father is not even considered?

Son, Happy Full month!!

1 month old today

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

there's something about ..... DXO

Nowadays I'm about 2 days laggard when it comes to news. Eversince the baby is borned, no longer my day started with coffee and newspaper in the morning. In fact my day started in the afternoon, and work follow next, then nap, then TV, then internet. Newspaper become my toilet read.

And I just came out from the toilet after finishing my Sunday Times.

NTUC just took over a popular disco at Esplanade previously known as Embassy. In their bid to appeal to the younger crowd, they decided that a happening disco in a happening location is the way to go. That way, NTUC can be described as "COOL", together with other adjectives like Monopolising, Unreasonable, efficient, ridgid.

So the COOL name for the Disco..... "DXO".

At first, I felt it sounded very MINDEF. Others thought DXO stands for Dance X-tra Ordinary, which is not too bad if it is indeed that meaning.

However, the Chief Executive explained "We wanted a name that was Hip and COOL. So since we are located next to the Durian (Esplanade), we thought we would call it the XO version of the durian."

Hence... DXO.

Another adjective can now be added...... Stupid.

there's something about ..... my baby's name

Only last thursday did I officially announce the english name of my kid to my parents. A good 23 days after my son is borned and a good 2 days before my baby full month celebration.

Naming your kid is so damn stressful. Anyway...

So I told them "Ian".

And immediately my mum, who is a big fan of local celebrity news, ask that question "什么意识?"

I was speechless.

It's all because of one Brayden, now every Ah Soh in Singapore has this idea that every name must comes with a meaning... like Brave Lor, Like Clever Lor, Like Cute Lor, Like Macho Lor.

I told them I don't really know and not everyone find a name based on meaning first but some based it on how it sounded or how it's spelt. Like who knows what Peter, vincent, michael stands for?

Maybe it's time I go find out.