Thursday, April 28, 2005

there's something about ..... that government letter

Today we received a letter from government.

I hate those letters with the word "On Government Service", they always send a chill down my spine. This is follow closely by letters from IRAS except these IRAS letters send my blood up my head. The upper one.

Like I'm not stressed enough about my baby's name, it's a letter from immigration. It's a reminder that I have within 42 days to get my baby's name out or I must write an explanation letter to them to say why I'm late.

I'm already preparing the draft to the letter.

Immigration & Checkpoints Authority
Registry of Births
Citizen Services Centre
ICA buidling

Dear Sir/Mdm

  1. I refer to your letter dated 25 April and the above reference.
  2. I was told to write an explanation letter on why we are late in registering the name of our baby.
  3. It all started on 5th April when my wife gave birth.
  4. We spend 2 days at the hospital after that.
  5. When I reach home, I took alot of picture of the kid. These whole excercise last me about 2 days after which I started playing with Viewcam.
  6. I spend the next 2 days shooting videos of the kid.
  7. I spend the next 1 week adjusting to sleeping in the morning and waking up at noon, trying to do some work and falling sleepy again in the afternoon.
  8. I write some blogs.
  9. I write some blogs.
  10. I spend 1 more week trying to absorb the government's rationale of the casinos and how they derive that 35000 jobs will be created.
  11. I got tired after calculating stops at 3000 and took 2 days off to rest.
  12. I received your letter on the 28th April.
  13. I write another blog.
  14. I was preparing for my boy's full month celebration over the weekend on 30th and 1st May.
  15. Weekend over, and I took labour day off to rest.
  16. I decided that it's probably time to start looking for a name.
  17. But I realised I also have to write you an explanation letter.
  18. So I decided that the letter come first.
  19. As it's so taxing to think of a name and think of a letter to write, I decided to engage external professional help.
  20. The letter is finally completed.
  21. I hope you find my explanation acceptable.
  22. Please grant me another 42 days to think of a name for the baby.
  23. Thank you and have a nice day.


Ang Mo Kio

Monday, April 25, 2005

there's something about ..... that casino(s)

This has been one interesting week in Parliament.

If you didn't know we are having our casinos, let me guess.....
  1. You are a blagadesh worker
  2. You are a indonesian maid
  3. You are a Alien

3 things worth mentioning during the last one week debate.

We don't need that many female MPs in Parliament. It was mentioned in the papers that the female populations in Singapore is not well represented in parliament.

But why do you need that many female MPs when you have SNAG in the cabinet?

Lim Boon Heng was holding back his tears when he relate how a family was been devastated because of gambling problems. He said he couldn't say No to 35000 jobs, while still holding back his tears. WOW.

Singapore's parliament is getting more drama over the years.Talk about adding buzz to SIngapore. Now all we need is a fist-fight ala those taiwanese parliament. Or our president kenna shot at by water pistol.

Next, it's rather easy to be a MP. For everything you issue you go for or against, always back it up with a analogy related to food.

Low Thia Kiang being the Teochew he is, came up with a analogy about Teo Chew Porriage.

He said that the casino decision is like gar'ment giving porriage to everyone but added some medicine inside it. But everyone has no choice but to eat it even if they know they will Lao Sai.

Wah.... very cheem.

Irene Ng retorted with another about buffet. It's a high class settings with very good food but at one small corner there is one undesirable food where they put up notice and barriers to tell people that the food is not healthy. And up to them to decide whether they want to eat.

She didn't realise that when you go to a buffet, a high class one. You eat everything! 3 rounds of everything!

Of course the biggest revelation is not about how many casinos we are having. But how to buy 4D. When you change car, don't buy your new number plate. Buy your old one. Sure Strike one!! I believe anything my gar'ment tell me, especially SM Goh.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

there's something about ..... that thing on your sleeves

Today I was conducting a viewing at a vacant house with a prospective tenant with her 2 accompanying lady agents.

Just when I was talking half way, one of the lady agent pointed worriedly at my direction around my shoulders area "There's... something... on your...."

Now, I'm the most macho man on earth... as long as you keep away all living things other than humans about 3 metres away from me. It's like I have a international retraining court order against them.

I immediately look on my shoulders. Nothing. Phew.

She pointed downwards.

KNN!!! There's a SMALL LIZARD on my sleeves closer to my armpit!!!

At that point of time, your mind is super confused and all your reflexes goes haywire as a result. The whole thinking process takes 1 second and I have to cramp dignity, frighten, solution all in 1 second.

So there I was, trying to pretend I wasn't afraid, but the sight of lizard that close scared the hell out of me. I was also trying to think how I could shake it off without using my hand, but the fastest is to sweep it off with my hand. So I did a combo of shaking my shoulder and the other hand trying best to sweep it off without touching. I believe my facial expression is equally crooked as well.

So finally the lizard fell to the ground and I immediately goes back to my damage-control mode and pretend I was macho.

That tenant then remarked "'s only a gecko"

Yeah... ONLY a gecko!! Easy for her to say...she didn't have a gecko on her sleeves!!

Monday, April 18, 2005

there's something about ..... my new name?

Hi everyone, it's me..... but this time... my clueless father has a possible name for me.

In his bid to distract everyone from his ridiculous previous posts, he is using me.

On top of that, he kept telling me to make this expression. He said the name he came up with is the most appropriate for this expression.

The name.....


Sunday, April 17, 2005

there's something about ..... that casino decision (sequel)

We are within 24 hours away from knowing where we will have our casinos. Realised there is a tint of silliness after I boldly declared yesterday that there is a 40% chance we will not have a casino.

In fact, I go on further to make a bet... a small one.... with my dad on my belief.

And after what Lee Kuan Yew has to say about the casino, you immediately know that all international betting firms has stop taking in bets.

But I'm still sticking with my beliefs, abeit my confidence level has drop to 5%.

I still want to believe my 5% will prevail based on 2 theories that I formed just today.

Firstly, our MM Lee said recently that the reason he is called a "Mentor" is to remind everyone that he is no longer in charge. Meaning he only provide his opinion and decision lies with the others..... which in this instance is his son.

And since LKY already openly said that it's a wrong judgement call by himself by not allowing Casino during the 70s. It would be very gossipy in nature if his son do right the wrong for his father. Everyone would say then that LKY is still in control of Singapore via his son. And this will also show that his Son do not have his own way of doing things.

Therefore.... these are all smoke screen. LKY said what he said so that tomorrow when our PM announce the NO decision, our PM will gain credibilty and international standing.

So.... with this theories... I'm holding on to my 5% confidence level.

You guys... be ready to Laugh!!!

Friday, April 15, 2005

there's something about ..... that casino decision

Yes.... I know I did said that the whole casino debate is a farce which the government already going ahead with the decision.

And I know everyone also feels that the casino is just a formality waiting for Monday to be officially announced.

Being a conspiracy theorist, I have also stating the tell-tale signs given out by the government that they are going ahead with it.

I also believe that a casino will also be good for Singapore if the taxation deriving from the betting revenue can be used to offset the any reduced taxation on personal income tax and corporate tax.

That will bring in more MNC setting up companies in Singapore and boost employment rate on top of those created by the Intergrated Resort. And blah blah blah...

BUT NOW..... I believe the government is NOT going ahead with a casino. I'm saying this with a confidence level of 40%. Previously I would be 100% certain a casino will be built. Why?

Because our PM Lee has decided to make the ministerial statement himself instead of another minister.

Think about it.... all these while when he was supporting the idea, the guinea pig to announce the unpopular decision is someone else.

Just after the cabinet ministers met last Saturday to decide on this, as revealed by SM Goh, PM Lee said he will make that ministerial statement. Hmmm.... Unless the decision will make him look good, why would any PM take a risk?

And soon after that, reports on the Gambling Addicts surface. No doubt release by the government. Hmmm.... What timing! I supposed this study was already being done before the decision was made by the Cabinet, and they only released that now? Just within a week to the ministerial statement when the decision was already made last week?

And.... soon.... all our opposition parties started to give press statements to say that they do not support the casino.... again 1 week before the ministerial statement and after the cabinet made their decision? Hmmmm.... Timing.

And our Deputy PM Tony Tan mention that the number of addicts is a major concern. Again just days before the ministerial statement. And if you ever notice...... Tony Tan Hardly ever give press statements or give interviews. And this came just about the time his name has been mentioned as our next possible President? Hmmm......

So what could possibly sway such decision?


IF... of all those 18 bidders, one of them decided to have an Integrated Resort without the casino and still able to invest about $3billion and add to employment, plus attract tourists. Isn't that perfect for our government.

And I suspect one of the bidder will be as such. And I'm going further with it, that bidder will bid for the Marina Site.

We will know whether I'm right on Monday.

There's something about ..... Mark Lee

I saw Mark Lee, you know that local ah beng comedian, the other day driving a SUV.

It's not your normal SUV. It's a VOLKSWAGEN TOUAREG!!!!

Didn't know he works for Traffic Police part time.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

there's something about ..... Page 5 of Life, ST

MY GOD!!! I was just flipping the newspaper and I came about this picture in LIFE section of the Straits Times today..... the very day my baby celebrated his 1 week old anniversary...... 12/4/05 will always be remembered as the day my visual was abused. BADLY!

I will rank this scarier than Sadako climbing out of the TV in The Ring.

Don't say I never warn you..... flip it at your own peril!!

Monday, April 11, 2005

there's something about ..... annual NKF shows

I love these shows!!

It's really a fantastic show and they remain their standard year after year.

What other shows in the world allow you to have a emotional ride over 3 hours? What other shows in the world allow you to watch clowns boybands perform together on the same stage?

You have the laughter of watching these boybands making a fool perform high standard stunts like hanging on a rope beating drums, after which go on to say that these are nothing compared with the pains the beneficiary of the charity suffer. WOW. They actually think we do not know that!!

You have the sadness of watching plights of some of these beneficiary. If these scenes do not make you sad, I think you should go watch Masters Of the Seas... twice to know what sad is.

You feel amusing that all dangerous stunts (so they said) year after year are perform with limited rehearsal (so they said), and that very last minute decided to up the ante of the stunts and said that this was not planned and they are so damn worried that their tongue will be cut off by the fan.

You feel a sense of generosity of dialing some 1900 numbers to make that donation of $5.40 to the charity.

You then have a sense of frustration that the automated voice over the other end is some ugly guy who can't sing talented singer from 5566 and not Cindi Wang, thanking you for the donation.

Finally, after realising it's not Cindi Wang, you feel angry and decided to question why Singtel charged $0.20cents per call and why the actual donation is $5.20 and not $4.99.

And you just feel tired after all these emotional roller-coaster ride.

Look out for next week where the local stars will perform. There will be performances that are so dangerous that their fellow colleagues will start to cry by the sideline because they were so worried the impromptu stunts may go haywire.

This is Channel 8 at it's best. Actors in Reality TV. You can't beat that!

there's something about ..... my confinement father

Hi Everyone, It's me.... the no-name baby.... still.

My stingy father is getting on my nerves sometimes. In order to save money, he decided to be the ConfineMan.

And that means feeding me and burping me and changing my diapers in the middle of the night!!

HIM?!?!??! DO ALL THAT?!?!?! Can you believe it?!?!?!?!!?!

That is the reason why the nights have been extremely traumatic for me. I Lao Jio alot more frequent at night because of him. The moment he comes near the Cot for feeding time, I lao Jio.

Aslo he keep thinking my head is a mini-basketball and he will hold my head like how he will hold his basketball. 5 fingers widely spread out.

And when he tries to burp me...... his whole palm is probably as long as my whole back. Is as if he was trying to force the air from my buttocks up to the throat.

Changing diapers.... OMG!!! Let's not even go there.

Thank god. I should be on breastfeeding soon.... I pray hard my mummy's breast will be juicy enough for my daily feed.

Friday, April 08, 2005

there's something about ..... my first-time father

Hi everyone, my name is...........

Damn! I still do not have a name!!

My stupid busy father prefer to spend his time taking photos of me in uncompromising pose than to think of a name. Yet he complained about not having enough time to think of a name.

To think I'm almost given a name Paul, Justin and Gerard as listed on Straits Times.

I'm must be the only baby in Singapore whose father has no clue on their names a good 5 days after they were borned.

Nameless aside, I also cannot stand it when he keep doing that breathe-hard-low-voice thingy at my face "I'mmmm youuurrr Father"..... all the time.

And every night when he is carrying me, and certain advertisement about this particular singer comes on, he will start singing the song "Honey........ Honey" to me. That must be the most awful song ever.

When will he ever grow up? Sigh!

Monday, April 04, 2005

there's something about ..... last saturday

For some strange reason, last Saturday evening seems to have made certain people talk and do funnily.

I was at this foodcourt in Toa Payoh and decided to order "TOU SUAN" for desert.

The seller after scoping the Tou Suan into the bowl, ask me in Chinese "没 有 油 条,可 以 吗?”

Ultimate! It's like eating Chicken Rice without chilli. Satay without gravy. Coke without gas.

And they have a full container of Tou Suan!

I had wanted to bargain down the price but since I'm at a foodcourt, I'm not supposed to behave stingy. So I left.

After dinner, I head down to my ex-favourite DVD rental joint Video Ezy. It was my favourite before Saturday.

I chance upon the DVD "Duplex" for sale in Toa Payoh and decided to borrow it from Video Ezy.

After searching high and low and almost every other corner in the shop, I decided to approach the sales assistant for help.

I asked "Do you have Duplex DVD?"

Sales Assistant answered "No, we only have VCD."

Helloooooo..... Who borrow VCD nowadays?!?!?!? Or rather, who would go Video Ezy to borrow VCD? For the rental of 1 VCD, I might as well add a few dollars more to own it!

Of course, the most classic would be the one particular pretty face at Miss Universe Singapore pageant.

During the Q & A, she was asked to choose her favourite cultural festival other than her own (she's a chinese). She stammered nervously: 'Racial Harmony Day because when I was in secondary school, I had a lot of fun dressing up as an Indian.'

Helllloooooo...... Anybody home......?!??!?

Shouldn't it be April Fool's day??!!! Tell me who in Singapore do not like April Fool's day! You can call it festival if you like and it transcend all cultures!

Or she would have score some points if she had answered "My favourite cultural festival would be Speak Mandarin Campaign. Speak Chinese is Cool!" or "My favourite cultural festival would be parliament sitting, because it's during such festival that you got to know "shit" is unparliamentary and you learn new things all the time."

Friday, April 01, 2005

there's something about ..... conspiracy

After watching Farenheit 911 last year, I begin to believe in conspiracy theories.

Sometimes I decided to form these theories myself eventhough I know there is no way for me to verify them.

For example, I believe that the increase level of summoning activities by the Traffic Police early this year is so that they have enough money to buy 3 Volkswagen Touregs. If you haven't realised, that is about $240k each. And they are SUVs. They had wanted to buy BMW Z3 but they decided it will be too scandalous and too James Bond.

Another theory I believe is that LTA changed the PARF rebate value of cars, so that price of cars appear to be cheap, thus encourage more people to buy cars, thus making sure that all car drivers in singapore cannot "Quit" their cars anytime because when they scrape.. they lose big time, then the set up more cameras in Singapore to increase revenue, then they setup more ERP gantries in places like Ang Mo Kio ave 1, increase all ERP rates, and become the most profitable government body beating IRAS.

Why movie tickets from Shaw, GV and EW will increase by a dollar from 1st May is because of Star Wars Espisode III. They jolly well know whether ticket price is $8.50 or $18.50, people will still go watch. And why OVERSEAS Cinemas will not increase (which supported my theory) is because they only shows RA movies and unless Natalie Portman show off her breasts in Espisode III, OVERSEAS will not show it. Since they are not showing Star Wars, they increase the price also no use.

Why government will announce their ministerial statement on Casino on 18 April? You realised they didn't say announce "their decision", but annouce "their ministerial statement". And Why 18 April? They wanted 8th or 28th, but realised that it's midweek and it may give the impression that government is too superstitious. So they decided it shouldn't be midweek for the announcement but the start of the week which is on Monday. Of all Mondays in April, 18th is the most auspicious sounding. And if you haven't realised, government just promoted Dr Vivian Balakrishnan to become a full minister. He was just acting minister before that. You see, a Casino Decision has to be announced by somebody proper, not some small fly who is just an acting minister. And since Vivian Balakrishnan is the minister in charge of the Casino excercise, they must promote him to add weight to the decision lor.

And Finally... the biggest conspiracy theory I unravel..... the most earth shattering conspiracy in Singapore History is that.... our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong is actually the son of our first Prime Minister LEE KUAN YEW!!!!!