there's something about ..... movie reviews

Ratings as follows:

***** Mai Tu Liao
**** Wah… Solid leh
*** Ok Lah
** Ni Nabeh
* WTF is this






This show is also known as The new Mr and Mrs Pitt. The first half of the show ain't that bad. But the second half... REAL BAD.

I felt they drag the storyline a bit too long. The shooting scenes are so amateurish it seems like the director wasn't too interested about the action sequence but merely wanted to show the relationship between the smiths.

Just too cliche. Bad.

ratings: **



This show is funny. Some classic scenes. But the love story lacks punch. I mean seriously who cares about love story in a show like this? This doesn't belong in the same class as There's something about Mary or American Pie I, but a good top 10. The DVD came with good bonus materials as well.

Ratings: ****

This is Meet the Black Parents but not as funny. They tried to play on the racist jokes but to limited effect. I dunno why, but why is Hollywood trying to create a Romantic Guy out of Ashton Kutcher or Mr Demi Moore? His last few movies is about Love Love Love. I think he is better as a Funny Guy. Bernie Mac is his usual funny self. He really save the movie.

Ratings: ***

SPL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I should have trusted my instinct.... I mean who the F#$^ would name a movie SPL!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! Nabeh!! How silly is that!

I remember when the movie came out, they bill this as the best action movie promising great fighting sceneS between Sammo Hung and Donnie Yen.

Firstly, Donnie Yen is at best a supporting role if you ask me and yet his face is as big as Sammo Hung. The fighting scene?!?!??! NABEH... THERE IS JUST ONE....between the both of them.

In fact, Sammo Hung only fight just once throughout the whole show!! And that's it.

The whole show got only 2 fighting scenes and the choreagraphy is really bad. To think you have 2 of the famous Kung Fu chaps, and they couldn't come out a good fighting sequence at all. Even Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong is more entertaining. This is a real shame.

The story line..... it's triad vs Police. They tried to make this a Infernal Affair standard but failed. Also, certain scenes are too gruesome.

Rating: *

there's something about ..... igallop

Or otherwise known as iMasturbate.

there's something about ..... charity show

Win already.

I told myself never... never .... donate a single cent for anymore charity show on TV and today I donated $15.

It's impossible not to donate.

The whole renci show was a dissappointment. Jazzlyn Tay was injured rehearsing a "Cirque Du Solei" performance according to her and she voiced her unhappiness to the press saying why they have to risk life for the sake of charity.

Her complaint carries more coverage than what reverend Ming Yi was to do earlier for the show.

And so I watched in anticipation for that performance to come.

Nabeh!! What nonsense!! While I was expecting life-endangering moves, it wasn't something that will give you a "WAH.." It was moves that could easily be mastered thru practises by amateurs.

If we can have a reverse donation for every bad performance by these people, I will be very rich.

But.... But..... But......

The performance by reverend Ming Yi was so damn touching. He has to walk on 2 parrellel flat beams suspended at the top of Republic Plaza IN THE RAIN AND STRONG WINDS without support!!!

Every little step he took, your heart skip a bit.

After he completed the parrellel beams, he was to have tried to walk on a single round beam. But due to the weather conditions, they have to cancel that for safety reason. At that time, reverend Ming Yi was holding back his tears for not able to continue with the performance.

Nabeh!!! That sincerity touched me so much, I felted I have to donate or be damned.

How I wish it was TT Durai who did that performance and that he fall off and I don't have to part my $15.

Kudos to Reverend Ming Yi. Just his performance garnered about 200,000 calls and probably about $3million in donation.

To jazslyn Tay, hope you recover soon and after that learn how to keep quiet and after that change your name... it's damn hard to spell!

there's something about ..... 饭 tastic

FANTASTIC!!!!

IT'S TRULY FABULOUS!!!!

If you like Rice Burger from MOS Burger, you will like the Chicken FAN tastic from Macdonald. If you are not a fan of Rice Burger, blame it on MOS Burger cos this one from Macdonald will blow you away!!!

I tried both the Chicken FANtastic and Beef FANtastic and I must say the FORMER blew me away. The beef Fantastic tasted more bland and I felt no different from eating the one from MOS Burger. But the Chicken one... YUMMY!!!!

In my opinion, the best creation since the SUMURAI Burger. And talk about Rebound. Macdonald finally put their act together since their disastrous creation in the McNuggets New sauces and their Kaya breakfast.

Go Eat it before it's too late.

there's something about ..... ang gong gia

For the first time ever... in blogging history.... exclusive to Cow.dunking, for a very limited time before it's removed from here.... I PRESENT

my brother in law's ANG GONG GIA.




FOR 3 DAYS ONLY!!!

there's something about ..... year start

2006 started with a "bang".

My kid fell from the bed and has a bump on the forehead.

My parent-in-law met with a road bully, the latter still alive the last I heard. (he was lucky not to have met my brother in law)

My wife was stuck with me at my friend's house over 6 hours because I was playing blackjack and getting tipsy in the process.

I got to know that my old friend just got out of a relationship of 7 years and I sense he is getting very emotionally unstable. Kept saying that a soothsayer told him he wouldn't survive past this lunar year.

I played blackjack and lost $50.

I go to my inlaw's place. I thought approaching 7pm, no need to go liao... but I was wrong about it and have to drive over in the rain.

Stayed till 11pm and miss half an hour of "Spy Game" shown on TV.

Fabulous way to start 2006!!!

there's something about ..... year end

I'm always quite nostalgia about the year's end. I willl always look back on the year and think what have I done, what happened in the year, what's the up and down of the year etc etc.

So this is the TOP 10 things of 2005 to me.

AT NO. 10. Setting up this blog. It's no big deal as it's really quite simple, even for a technical nerd like me. But what is significant is that, I actually stick to my 2005 resolution of doing something like this.

NO.9. My maid arrived. While this is also no big deal to most people, but this present a change in lifestyle to me. I can't walk freely in my bare body, I can't talk and act crazy, I have to constantly look Fierce, which is hard.

NO.8. Got a "new" Desktop PC. This will deserve a mention since this only happen like once every 5 years. Surely this must be very shallow, considering even without one, my life will not be any better or worse. But you must know, with a boring life like mine, such things can be top 10 lah.

NO.7. Treasure Hunt. I really enjoy this. It's something I look forward to experiencing it for a long time ago, so this is definitely a highlight of the year.

NO.6. My birthday. While I celebrated this every year, this is the first year I celebrated as a father. It's a big jump in your life.

NO.5. Send my maid back. It's not so much about the sending. But the events that lead up to the sending off. It was a nightmare over 2 weeks, constantly staying up in the middle of the night to play dedectives, constantly worrying about strangers coming into our house, and the safety of my family.

NO.4. Sold of my car. This was an emotional send-off. Yes... I initiated the selling. I wanted to sell. But that doesn't mean I can't miss my car, especially it also goes with my number plate over 13 years.

NO.3. Liverpool win Champions League. Grown man do cry.

NO.2. Going thru labour with my wife. It's a hell of a experience. I'm sure my wife felt the same way. This not only rank as the highlight of the year, but I guess it's also the highlight of our lives.

NO.1 Birth of my son. Grown man do cry.

Anyway, 2005 is coming to an end. I will always remember it for the lovely memories it gave me.

My resolution for 2006, in no particular order.

No.1. Learn how to set up webpage. I think this is a natural progression from Blog.

No.2. To improve on my business and hope for a breakthru year.

No.3. To become a better father. I think I'm lagging from my wife.

No.4. To lose weight. I have lost 2 kg in the last few months, hope to hit 75kg.

No.5. To find a new hobby.

So, meanwhile, I wish 2006 a better year for everyone.

Cheers.

there's something about ..... Christmas

Christmas come and gone. Nabeh.

Good things always come and go very fast. Bad things come very fast but go very slowly.

Boxing Day is literally a day where I kenna "box", some more over the trivial of matters, none of which is my fault.

That is the problem when your job nature is 24/7. I ever received an SMS from my client 4am in the morning, she decided to send me the sms when she remembers in the middle of the night because she was afraid of forgetting it the next day. Problem is, I forgot to set my phone to silent mode.

Anyway, Christmas Gathering at Jeff's was good. And when I arrived, I realised we haven't been to their place since exactly a year ago. Wow... that must have broken some record, considering I was a regular visitor to their house....... and toilet.

Again, we never seems to learn.... we seems to have over-catered the food.



Very merry

What is see above did not even include 2 boxes of Salad which was left untouched, half the logcake not finished, 1 bottle of juice-wine not opened.

I reckon based on value, it's probably a wastage of about $80.

Log cake

How come Christmas Cake must be a Log Cake? I haven't eaten anything christmas cake that is not a "LOG" cake. Just because Chocolate cake is popular, they conveniently use chocolate to make a brown-looking cake and named it "log"? Nabeh. Talk about creativity.



Playing some one else's present

I think my kid inherited abit of me. Which is, can Play... no need to sleep. In fact, every day he sleeps around 12 plus, which I was told it's bad for the kid. But what to do.

He sleeps with us and we don't sleep until he sleeps. If we awake, how he sleeps early. That night, he slept around 1 plus 2, and even that it's due to much coasing.

I think at baby's term, he seems to enjoy that night. I think he got sick of the same old toys he has at home, and Jeff's place got alot of different toys. Hor say liao, I just found myself a new excuse to go Jeff's place more often.

Gift exchange this year is kinda of interesting. The value is upped to $20, first time since we celebrate christmas together.

Interestingly, a Straits Times article a day before was on Gifts that Most people dislikes. Not surprisingly.... NO.1 ..... PHOTO FRAMES. Hahaha.

We went shopping for Gift Exchanges at Takashimaya this year. Not only for the gathering, but also for my wife's office party.

The office party has a $10 budget which after years of experience, I could almost immediately know what to buy. I reckon, if I were to buy it, I can choose something and pay up in less than 5 mins.

But my dear wife..... woman being woman... they want to spend more time choosing the right present, making sure that whoever receive it will like it.

My explanation to my wife (often fell on deaf ears) is like this, firstly, there aren't that many choices at $10 where "whoever receive it will like it". I told her, have we like any of the presents in the last donkey years of gift exchange at $10? Except... the very last one where I got a key pouch and even that is not $10.

So, if you can't determine who will get your present, the profile of the person that will get your present, how can you determine what present that someone will like?

So I told her, to waste time, and just buy. But as I said, it often fell on deaf ears.

After like 40 mins, we go pay up.... and she got a PHOTO FRAME for her office party. Wah.... luckily I don't work there.

I don't know what's with TAKASHIMAYA's Wrapper. Every girl crave for the wrapper. The queue for the wrapper is like super long. My wife insisted that I queue for it.

I told her... aiyeah... just take any wrapper we have at home lah... why must queue for it. Of course, again... it fell on deaf ears. And I have to queue.

Maybe it's the fact that Taka got this snob appeal and thus everything that comes with a Taka wrapper, must be expensive.... even if it is a $10 PHOTO FRAME. Ultimate.

Lesson learnt no.1. It's not what's on the outside, it's what's in the inside.

Back to our gift exchange, this year $20 budget present some unusual things. I was quietly observing to see if there is a more expensive photoframe or a more expensive mug. But... they veli good.... they put in more thoughts this time round, maybe because at $20, there are more options.

We have :

• Optical microsoft mouse. Veli happening... because the buyer of that gift decided to go MOTOROLA RAZ V3 by buying 2 of different colours... one black and one pink. PINK mouse.... to me... that is really cute.
• cushion Clock.
• Fila Bag
• key chain
• Soft toy
• Towels

I think every thing this year is quite practical.

I remember the most classic of gifts in the past....

• 2 metal balls that one rolled within their hands, supposedly for blood circulation. That balls without parantel supervision, can killed someone if some kid use it and play baseball with it.

I hope edwin has improved health since then.

there's something about ..... charging Durai

Read with interest on the NKF saga. So much info overload, it's getting quite repetitive.

But will Durai be charged?

• Backdating his pay? ...... No.
• Backdating his annual leave and cash them out ..... No.
• Increase salary of his staff a few times a year ..... No.
• Surpassing the 30% mark of expenditure for fund raising events .... No.
• Fly First Class even if it is donor's fund ...... No.
• Buy many air tickets but never use them ..... No.
• Buy medicine but earn a profit by charging patients higher ..... No.
• Only 10 cent of every dollar spend on patient ..... No.
• Buying Gold taps ..... No.
• Spending 30k a month on credit card .... No.
• Misleading information...... No.

All the above are just corporate governance goes haywire, so what if they are a charity entity.

If your board approved your salary.... what can you do. If the CEO approve pay increment, it is his right to do so. He is the CEO afterall.

He can spend all the money he wants but he also ensure the "company" is not in the red. He didn't borrow money to spend. He spend on "profits". What's wrong with that.

Charging patients at a profit but patients still pay lower than elsewhere, what's wrong with that.

Ok.. surpass the 30% mark for expenditure.... sorry... wrong judgement... what you want me to do now... I already spend them. Go ask Mediacorps to return you the money, ask SPH to return you the money.

10 cent out of every dollar spent on patient. But nobody complain before.

Misleading information. It's a different perspective.

My point is, these are just problems associated with corporate governance and it is not a criminal offence nor a white collar crime.

Any problem with whatever happen only means NKF will face penalties or fine. But not Durai, even if he is the CEO.

What I'm hoping to happen is this.

Money that goes into those 2 companies that failed to deliver, indirectly goes back to Durai.

THAT would be white collar crime.

That would be fine and perhaps jail. And fine will not be small. Whatever the amount fine.... hopefully the government will return back to NKF.

Jail term... I don't think so even if it is what everyone wanted. But he is finished in Singapore. His only option is back in INDIA. So the best way is to fine him hard hard, so even if he leaves Singapore, at least Singapore can retrieve whatever amount belonging to Singaporean's patients and not be siphorned into India.

there's something about ..... pc upgrade

My PC is finally upgraded!!!!

I do this (I meant the whole excercise) like every 5 years. And I'm not joking. Just to share with you a bit history of my PC.

I bought my PC in 1992. If you ever remember, DIGITEK. Last time this brand like machiam damn can. Before that, my PC was SHERRY... remember that brand. Like also machiam very can also.

But both the brands now... not very can. Cannot find.

Some time in 1998/9, I took over Anthony's hardware and put it into my Digitek. I believe it was Pentium 2.

And now... in 2005 December, almost 2006... I inherited Lily's PC. A pentium 3. But this process is damn CHI CHAM.

2 weeks ago, lily bought a new harddisk for the setup. After installing all the software, I think the PC got error... cannot run.

Over the weekend, lily tried again... and it was working. Hor Say liao, I took it back yesterday with full of anticipation, set it up at home.....

And..... I got an error "65k/56hz frequency out of range".

Win liao... monitor problem. Lily did the setup at her place and the system accepted her LCD panel as default and my 1998/9 Philip CRT monitor cannot accept the frequency. Nabeh.

I was given 3 solutions today:

1. Bring the system back to Lily and set the monitor to a lower resolution and bring it back.
2. Buy a new LCD panel.
3. Re-install XP and thus all the softwares that I bought original from local shops (DO NOT BUY PIRATES) and was previously installed by Lily into the system will thus be gone.

I wouldn't have mind the first option accept.... the system is too heavy. I reckon is near 10kg. Bringing it around don't sound like a good idea in case something inside got loose due to vibration.

Lily suggested lending me the LCD panel instead but didn't want to bother her with that again.

So I decided to buy a LCD panel 17 inch. Almost commited to a LG one at $400. But for whatever technical thing that I buy, I will always call Anthony and Lily to get a final opinion first.

Anthony felt I should really try option 1 before buying. Lily felt I shouldn't even buy at all as the investment may not give me much return since I may not used it as frequent. And she ask me to go for option 3 saying that I need to go thru the process to learn.

And luck would have it, she accidentally left my original XP disk inside the CD rom. Thus I was able to proceed re-installing immediately.

But suay suay.... going thru half way, I realised I need to have product key and the box is with her back home.

Anyway, after all the hassle, finally everything is up.

I reckon by my next upgrade.....

• Casino will be up.
• Circle line will be up.
• Singapore DAM will be up.

there's something about ..... pang sai

So I admit.... I probably got a mild Irritational Bowel Syndrome. I have probably used all toilets in Singapore... including Jeff's house (many times), anthony's house, Lily's house, Leon's house....

Yesterday, I used the toilet at NTUC Temporary supermarket at Ang Mo Kio Central. Temporary because their megamart is currently under construction, so they did up a very decent like machiam actual supermarket like that, at a temporary site.

Their toilet is located on one end right at the front portion of the supermarket, where all the cashiers are located. So the moment you are out of the cashier, you can't miss the toilet. IT'S THAT VISIBLE!!!!

As a government-linked supermarket, I expect them to adhere to MOH regulations that ALL PUBLIC TOILETS must have toilet papers. The 10 cent you pay is meant for the cleaners to clean the toilet and toilet paper should come free.

Anyway, this NTUC do not give out free toilet papers. Nabeh. They have this "TOILET PAPER DISPENSER" right outside the toilet, AT FULL VIEW FROM THE PUBLIC. You pay 10 cents and the machine will "churn" out the toilet paper.... WITH A LOUD MOTOR ROTATING NOISE.

It almost felt like the sound travels to as far as the first few cashier counters.

NABEH!!! win liao lor... now everyone queuing will know that I'm going to Pang Sai!!!

And 10 cents barely produce enough toilet paper. I don't know about everyone, But I uses ALOT, for other practical reasons other than cleaning.

I uses toilet paper:

• To clean the toilet seat.
• To lay one round, sometimes 2 layer of toilet paper on the Toilet Seat to protect my beautiful ass from germs.
• To put some into the water to minimise "splashing".

LIKE THAT... WHERE GOT ENOUGH?!??!

Because of the loud motor sound, I'm too pai seh to insert another coin for more toilet paper. Also... 20 cents for a toilet in NTUC? This is not Paragon. Even Paragon is free now, with ALOT of toilet paper, can even Da Pao one stack for future use.

So, if I only have enough to clean and nothing more for the above antics.... And the toilet being the sitting type and not the squatting type.... how?

Nabeh......I Squat on the Toilet bowl.

If you haven't try that before.... you should try.... it's super straining on your feet and calf. And if you are a six-footer like me......

there's something about ..... being creative

Creative: Zen Vision:m
SINGAPORE - December 8, 2005 - Creative Technology Ltd. (NASDAQ: CREAF), a worldwide leader in digital entertainment products and the number one manufacturer of MP3 players with music subscription support, today introduced the Zen Vision:M, Creative's premier 30GB video player, photo viewer and MP3 player. Designed with a stunning, 2.5-inch, high-resolution 262,144 color LCD screen, the Zen Vision:M displays rich, vibrant digital video, and photos, full-color menus and album art. The Zen Vision:M will be available in gorgeous high-gloss black, white, blue, green or pink this month for US$329.99 at www.asia.creative.com.

"When people see the Zen Vision:M, they tell us it's incredibly cool," said Sim Wong Hoo, chairman and CEO of Creative. "We designed the Zen Vision:M with its mesmerizing 262,144 color screen to display four times the color of the 30GB iPod that plays video, and to provide twice the battery life for video playback. Plus, we offer people the freedom to choose their video in a variety of different formats, and to get subscription music or download tracks from a number of different sites to their player."

I'm not promoting this gadget because I'm not popular enough for someone to give me gifts to promote it in blog.

In fact, I'm neutral to the brand Creative. Just like I'm neutral to the brand Apple. But I do know what "cool" is.

While ipod is considered as cool by everyone, it is something unspoken. It's not something that can be define.

To borrow what Mark Lee said during Star Awards "If you are good, you don't have to say you are good, people will say you are good, the road is long, my heart will go on".

"Cool" is something like that.

However, carrying an ipod doesn't make you cool instantly. Ask Edwin.

Paris Hilton was using Zen micro mini, but people didn't think she was uncool.

So what ipod did was great marketing. Create something that is beautiful, so be it if the gadget is mediorcre, and people (both cool and those not cool but want to be cool) will buy it.

What Creative did was marketing suicidal. Create something that looks so-so but on a gadget that gives a great punch, pronounce it as cool, price it $100 cheaper than the market leader, add lots of colour, and hope people (both cool and those not cool but want to be cool) buy it.

Now.. let's do your math.

Ipod: simple gadget + just 2 colours (black/white) + cost more = profitability

Zen: give more in gadget thus more components + lots of colours means more stocks and costs + charge lesser = tight profit margin.

Now... let's examine what Sim Wong Hoo says.

"When people see the Zen vision:m, they tell us it's incredibly cool"

Sim Wong Hoo: So what do you think of this product?

Staff A: Oh.. it's beautiful.

Sim Wong Hoo: YOU ARE FIRED!! Next... what do you think of this product?

Staff B: errr.... it's fantastic?

SWH: YOU ARE FIRED!!! Next... what do you think of this product?

Staff C (flipping thru dictionary): err...it's cool?

SWH: YOU ARE DEMOTED!! You... what do you think of this product?

Staff D: err.... it's incredibly cool?

SWH: YES.... YES!!! I just knew it!!! That is what I always says... Creative is incredibly Cool!!!

there's something about ..... dvd review: tom yum goong

tom yum

Caught this show in DVDp at my inlaws on Sunday. I must say the DVDp quality is very good. Like real DVD.

This is the second show featuring the Jackie Chan of Thailand since that fairly popular movie ONG BAK. And I must say, this movie not only live up to the last one, but even surpassing it where action is concerned.

This show has no relation to Ong Bak, or I believe. When things are in Thai language and in English Subtitles, sometimes certain things are lost in translation.

The fighting scenes are alot more elaborate this time round and with choreography that resembles the earlier Jackie Chan Movies, you almost forgot you are not watching Jackie Chan but some guy that looks like a Thai Construction Worker.

The fact that he looks like a construction worker only means his characterisation will often remains the same.... that is a thai farmer being sent to another place seeking something that was lost. Both shows goes along the same line. That same anguished look has not changed since Ong Bak.

This time round, this thai farmer is sent to Sydney to look for his "loved ones" that were kidnapped in thailand.

Production value for this show has vastly improved. Trying to add that international feel to it, the show is filmed in Sydney with English, Chinese and of course Thai Language featuring throughout the show. Of course, the elaborate scenes are really a plus here as compared to Ong Bak where most of the scenes were in the underground fighting ring. At one point, few minutes of action was film in one continuous take, probably thru a handheld. That was impressive.

Where storyline goes, as mentioned, it's always that thai farmer being sent to another place looking for something that hold dear to him or his village.

Ong Bak was about finding a Buddha Statute's head that was sacred to his Village and was stolen by a syndicate. And the word ONG BAK was in reference to this statute's head called ONG BAK.

Ultimate!! If a pig was stolen, the show would have been called BAK KUT TEI.

That aside, this show is about him looking for his "loved ones". Towards the end, (spoiler), when he found that his "loved ones" was actually killed, the lead character cried so bad that all those beatings he received at that point was numb to him.

Of course, during such fighting shows, the lead character will always draw strength from the death of their "loved ones", and somehow displayed super duper solid fighting skill that will defeat all enemies that was impossible to beat earlier, very much like those old Kung Fu movies.

Now... why did I quote, unquote the word "loved ones".

For all the trouble, all the drama, all the fighting, all the sacrifice is because his "loved ones" is a pair of......................................................

ELEPHANTS

WAH........ Does that mean Tom Yum Goong is reference to Elephants?

At one point, when he was desperately looking for his loved ones, he called out (in thai) : WHERE IS MY ELEPHANTS?

So how would I rate this show.....

**** for the pure enjoyment of the fighting sequence

* storyline

there's something about ..... our president

I'm not making fun of our president because I do like him as a person. But I can't help feeling that he was sabotaged by TCS.

TCS event organiser chairman: Mr President, do we have the honour to have you to be our guest of honour for the Media Event of the year?

Mr President: Oh... sure... but I thought NKF no longer have charity show... and Singapore Idol not here yet right?

TCS event organiser chairman: No.. it's much bigger than that, it is so big that it will be telecast over 2 channels simultaneously and 1.7m viewers are expected to watch the show because we will make sure they have nothing else to watch.

Mr President: Wah... like that, I definitely have to grace the event. Which charity event is it?

TCS: Err.. Mr President, it's not a charity event, but it's bigger than that. It's the STARS AWARDS, where we present awards to TCS artistes every year.

Mr President: huh?!?!??!

TCS: Not only that, you will give out the ALL TIME FAVOURITE AWARD to an international Star, very famous one, got film in Hollywood, China and taiwan one. So which is why we must also have a heavyweight to present this award, no one better than our president, your honour. Imagine, all the regional press will be present to capture this moment, and your picture will be splash across all major newspaper in the region and worldwide. We are talking about International Star here.

Mr President: ok. ok. ok. Hollywood star. So who is it?

During the show..........

Mr President: Thought you guys told me this is an english event?

Mr Banyan Tree aka chairman of Mediacorp: But we do have International Stars coming over from Taiwan and Hong Kong and I'm sure they speak English. Don't worry, I have already told Gurmit Singh and Mark Lee to say something in English later.

Mr President: Now that I have presented the award to the hollywood star, can I leave now?

Mr Banyan Tree: I'm afraid not sir, this is a 3 hours show....

Mr President: But everything in Chinese and I don't understand.

Mr Banyan Tree: It's ok sir, which is why I'm sitted next to you so that I can translate everything they say... that lady there, she is zoe tay, she come out and try to be funny, want that guy there call Christopher Lee next to her to proposed on stage to the hollywood star, this one hor... unscripted one, I also dunno she will do that, .... DEAR... can you stop showing that magazine to Mrs Nathan, it's very distracting.

Do we really need our president to be guest of honour in a Show like this? Even a member of Parliament would have been overkilled. I wish TCS would stop making a mockery of our honour in future by making him sit throughout a 3 hour event show in a language he couldn't understand and a show that is gossipy in nature.

I feel sorry for him. But at least he got to hug Fann Wong UPCLOSED.

there's something about ..... foodcourt

Brought my whole family to THE Foodcourt of the moment, FOOD REPUBLIC or 大食代 at wisma Atria on wednesday night.


Food Republic

If you haven't heard about it yet..... HELLO.... ARE YOU A TOURIST? I suspect even tourists have been there given their good location. If you ever remember, WISMA ATRIA 4th floor used to be a cluster of small shops and 1 side of it is the foodcourt. A not so popular foodcourt.

But NOW.... OMFG.... the whole floor less Isetan is Food Republic. And this food court come highly rated and highly publicised because their foodstalls and mini-restaurants boast some of the famous stalls as well as some famous chefs etc etc.

And if you are wondering why the name is so Cina, it's because it is. Food Republic first opened in Shanghai by our Singaporean Mr Breadtalk or previously known as Mr Food Junction. So this is the first overseas branch by a local company. So does it make this a local branch with a overseas branch in Shanghai?

And the crowd.... OMFG x 2. To say KANG SI LANG crowded is understatement. There are as many people walking around looking for a table than tables available. And we are talking about a very big foodcourt here and we are talking about Wednesday night.

Finding a table in a foodcourt is 50% art, 40% skill and 10% thick skin. And Finding a table in Food Republic is 20% art, 50% skill and 30% emotional blackmail.

I deployed my whole family, including my boy, to look for tables across the whole foodcourt, and we communicate via walkie-talkie aka handphones.

You know how sometimes you saw a table of patrons finishing their last bite of their food and then when they saw you standing next to them, they will then take their own sweet time drinking their coffee, chit chat and try to avoid eye-contact with you as if you are damn invisible?

I just invented a new technique which I hope to patent it, call "ianah". I have success using this technique and works 100% of the time by at least saving 5 mins of waiting time. I will first find a table of majority ladies finishing their food, call out to my wife/mother carrying my boy in their arms (eventhough we could have put the boy in the stroller) and stand next to them. This emotional blackmail works wonder. It fact, my mum overheard one of them rushing their friend because of us waiting with baby in toll.

I have been to this foodcourt twice and so far it takes me about 15 mins to get a table of 4.

thye hong hokkien mee

This foodstall sells the famous hokkien mee featured at the old Glutton Square, car park next to John Little. It was featured in the papers as the most popular dish at glutton square with about 10,000 plates being served per night.

Of course, Singaporeans love to queue for popular-but-so-so food. We are blinded by brands. We think anything that people queue is damn nice. And we think anything that is featured is newpaper must be damn super nice. So we queue. If we do a study on this herd instinct, I think such queueing time will caused Singapore of at least 2% GDP growth on productivity lost.

I queued. 30 minutes. Assuming I have an $100 hourly rate, that is $50 lost on 3 plates of Hokkien Mee/Orh Luat.

And the funny thing is, I have meant to just buy 1 plate of Hokkien Mee. But I thought... nabeh.. queue so long, might as well buy 2 more plates for sharing.

So after queueing for a while and about 10 person away from my turn, they have one of the stall helper "taking orders" for everyone in the queue, up to probably 15 patrons.

To my astonishment, everyone else has multiple orders. It's damn scary. 3 plates of this, 5 plates of that, 2 plates of this and 1 plate of that plus da pao 2 packets of that, one with HARM, the other no chilli etc. The latter one is not a joke. The ah soh in front of me really did order such a long list. Nabeh. This is disgusting.

Based on my estimates, this stall have a turnover of at least $20,000 to $30,000 a day. I'm actually contemplating to groom my son to be a Hokkien Mee Seller. Why study so much so that you earn a respectable income with annual leaves and stays in HDB Flats. Might as well be a Hokkien Mee Seller, works 363 days a year and stays in a bungalow.

Anyway, is the Hokkien Mee good?

Let's just say I wouldn't queue 5 mins for it.

Is the ORH LUAT good?

Let's just say I don't mind queueing 10 mins for it.

Is the overall experience at Food Republic Good.

It's good enough for me to patronise them twice in a week. With lots of Chio Bu and relatively good hawker food, it's a joy.... but I will only go if my son comes along.

there's something about ..... jar jar bing and his nike ad

The widely publicised and talked about footage from Nike and I named the video "WU EIA BOH".

there's something about ..... harry porter

Coolcat just did a posting on Harry Porter.

And I thought I should also mention something about HP or I would look really shallow. I mean... even Ah Beng Anthony read HP.

Actually, I felt like i'm a big FAN of Harry Porter. Fanning away anything that is related to HP.

I have only just watched the first movie and after that I got mixed up between this and LOTR. Both movies actually came out at about the same time.

While I completed LOTR movie trilogy, I can't bring myself to watch HP no.2. (sorry, don't even know what's the title).

Anyway, I have just 1 question.... has the lead character grown up to become a gay? I saw on the movie advertisement and I felt he got too much make-up. He would be totally at home in Bangkok.

there's something about ..... spring

I think if Singapore has 4 seasons, now would be spring time. I think..... Can't blame me if I don't know when Spring or Autumn is... Singapore only got 1 season which is Sometimes-rain-somtimes-no-rain-within-the-same-day.

But unfortunately, I'm not talking about 4 seasons here. I'm talking about this spring Or previously known as PSB. You remember the Productivity Bee in the 80s? Interestingly, going thru the website, I wasn't able to find the Bee. It must be an embarassment to them very much like the Courtesy Singa.

Today I went to SPRING Office tower or previously PSB tower to meet a client. They actually have an office tower in Bukit Merah Central. Wah.. I wonder how they can justify a tower purely by productivity alone.

When I approach the Car Park entrance, I wound down the window and inserted my cashcard into the ticket machine. I was cursing.

I mean we are talking about productivity here... can't they have those ERP type where the gate barrier just lift when they sense your cashcard... how come I must still insert my cashcard into the machine.

Anyway, for some strange reason, my cashcard was rejected. The machine says Error. I inserted the cashcard again but it was still rejected. Thinking my cashcard is spoil, I uses another cashcard... still it was rejected.

NABEH. I FELT LIKE A MORON. This building doesn't use the cashcard system!! They still use the ticket system.

HELLO.. we are talking about productivity here!!! Shouldn't someone put a note there to say "please do not insert cashcard" like all other building still using the ticket system.

Anyway, my stay there is quite short.... about 15 mins.

When I went to pay up.... NINABEH.... the car park fee is $1.50!!!! About 50cents for every 5 mins!!!!

Not only that, I keeps rejecting my coins!!!! HELLO... PRODUCTIVITY!!!

I did a check on the definition of Productivity in the net:

"Productivity: A measure of the amount of output per unit of input"

Wah... no wonder. Based on this definition, their ticket machine is definitely the most profitable productive thing in the building.

Per unit of input: 1 ticket cost maybe 10cents.

Amont of output: 50 cents per 5 mins.

Somemore recycleable.

No wonder they can have their own building.

there's something about ..... ianah

Who is ianah?

No.. it's not my new maid. Btw, my new maid is arriving sometime mid-december. Nabeh... just when I was enjoying life without one... especially the extra $500 to spend every month. Imagine... I can have about 10 Ipods a year, 1 for every 1.5 months. Or 5 laptops a year, one every 2 months. Or Trip to Hong Kong 4 times a year. Or 2 Tag Heur watches a year. Or 1 Sony Plasma TV a year. But instead I got none of those, but in jeff's words "stranger living in the home". Nabeh x 500 times.

So who is ianah?

Some of my friends would know, I got an elder brother-in-law, whom I respect for his attitude towards his trade, but anything else we are worlds apart. He was a Ah Beng long before the word Ah Beng is coined.

His body art would put all those new age body arts aka tattoos to shame. I think any current tattoo artiste would have difficulty trying to create that "body art" of his, which looks like a NER ZHA. I often try to catch a glimse so as not to appear staring, so I never really know what ANG GONG GIA is that. Also I think any current tattoo artiste will also have problem writing chinese characterSSSS given that most tattoo artiste nowadays are quite Ang Mo Pai. And mind you it's not just chinese single character like those found on NBA stars, but it's a Poem of about 4 vertical lines of about 5 characters in each line, ALL IN ONE ARM. SMALL ARM SOME MORE.

So that is my brother in law for you.

But who is ianah?

Brother-in-law, on seeing my son: IAN AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And he actually, literatally Calls OUT LOUDLY..... And when you combine AH after a N.... it will come out as NAH.

So just imagine, him calling out: IAN NAHHHHHHHHHHH

This happens every sunday.

God help my son.

there's something about ..... shell

Recently, all my posts are car, number plate, consumption, lorry and now it's fuel! Must complete one cycle mah.

I uses Shell. Maybe because it gives me the illusion that my car will drive like ferrari in Formula 1 racing.

But lately, Shell gets on my nerve.

Firstly, I think it's a really stupid gimmick to show the NET price of your petrol for all to see and claim that you are being outright about prices and not merely showing just Discounts.

Seriously... can you remember what is the net price of petrol yesterday? $1.587 per litre? Or 1.578? And How would I know if other companies with a 6% discount sign may give a net price even lower than what the net price at Shell shows?

I have actually witness someone driving into Shell and ask what is the discount eventhough the net price is clearly shown.

And th end, they have to spend more money on Print advertisments, Radio advertisement, TV commercial to tell everyone that they will always ensure their net price is either the same as competitor or lower.

I think that smart alec who came out with the net price idea ought to be sacked.

Next that piss me off is Shell Fuel Stretch Challenge.

Below is taken from Shell website:

Singapore, 17 November 2005 - Over 120 teams, comprising of two members per team, competed in this year's Shell Fuel Stretch Challenge. Of these 240 people, Mr Liew Chin Foo and Mr Andre Ng Wye Hoong emerged victorious in their Hyundai Sonata as they drove home the message that Shell petrols can indeed help motorists stretch their dollar. Competing in the 1000 - 2000 cc category, they won a pair of round-the-world air tickets worth approximately SGD12,000.

Using only 4.4 litre of Formula Shell 98, Mr Liew and Nr Ng travelled 167km to complete the eight mandatory checkpoints around Singapore. By diligently applying Shell Fuel Stretch Tips, particularly by using the highways to reach the checkpoints to maximise his fuel efficiency, Mr Liew achieved a fuel efficiency of 37.84km per litre, thus Mr Liew managed to stretch his fuel by an astounding 271%.

4.4 litre travel 167km???!! 37.84km per litre?!??!?! on a HYUNDAI SONATA?!?!? NINABEH!!!!

Before you start going to fill up your car with Shell, I would suggest you buy Hyundai Sonata instead, then fill up your car with Shell.

My current car runs on 8km per litre WITH SHELL.

A Toyota Hybrid Car runs on 30km per litre, as LISTED on brochure. AND THAT IS HYBRID. My client told me his hybrid car actually do about 20 to 25km per litre.

And we all know Toyota has the best fuel economy follow by Honda. And we all know Hyundai is not among the top. It's among the bottom.

And NOW... this HYUNDAI ACTUALLY DID BETTER THAN A JAPANESE HYBRID CAR?!?!?!?!

You mean no other Toyotas or Hondas took part in this Shell competition?

What better way to tell the world your fuel is the best even when use on a Korean Car.

Talk about Oil Rig.

there's something about ..... upgrade or downgrade

I uses these terms quite alot in my line of work.

But interestingly, these terms has been ask with regards to my recent car purchase.

It looks like an upgrade given that my new car is bigger, spacious, taller, more compartments than my old car.

But it's a downgrade given that on paper, this car has a smaller OMV than my old car which is smaller, narrower, shorter and lesser compartments. Also new to new, my current car is cheaper than my older car.

So while it's debatable and though not so important whether it's up or down, today I felt insulted.

I've never felt so insulted in all my life as a driver. Even my first car, a modest Suzuki Swift, 1 litre, manual did not make me lose face.

I was on the front row at a traffic light. Next to me was a Lorry. BUT KNN, the LORRY was able to speed off faster than my car!!!!

I REPEAT... NEVER.. NEVER.... would my previous cars let any lorry beat me.

Even in my last car.... NEVER... NEVER... would any other japanese made saloons, even some continental make saloon beat me from the traffic light.

And now.... A LORRY!?!?!?!?!?

My old car can probably run 0-100 in 11 secs.

My fastest run 0-100 in 12.6 secs during my school days.

This car?!?!?!? I think 0-100 in 20 secs!

This definitely felt like a downgrade... where ego is concerned!

there's something about ..... commoner

Early part of the week, I read about the Japan's princess marrying a commoner, and thus becomes a commoner herself by default of Japan Royalty Laws. She was given S$2mil one-time-off allowance. In order for her to ease into a commoner's life, assistants was assigned to her to teach her the life of a commoner.

This is one interesting read.

Japan Royalty Laws also quite cute. Surely they don't expect the princess to marry another royalty right.... I mean how many royalty can you find in the world now. Maybe from Brunei, Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam perhaps. Imagine the japanese princess changing her name to a Sayoko Virahbong, surely something not acceptable to the japanese monarchy.

And since any Prince can marry any commoner, any Prince in the world can choose the prettiest commoner to marry. Who would actually choose this Japanese Princess?

Who would you marry.....

This

Princess

or this?



commoner previously may look like the princess

Thanks to this commoner, there's hope for mankind! ... and manhood!

I also pity the husband of the princess. He must be thinking life as a royalty, no need to work, servants everywhere, big limosines...... and Suddenly.... the government tell him... "pai seh, you still commoner leh, but neber mind, I give your wife $2m, at least you now a rich commoner".

At least, this rich commoner can make fun of his father-in-law and not to worry about castration. Eg. "My father-in-law can break law anytime ok, he decide on law one!"

I also wonder what the assistants will do to help her ease into commoner's life. I suppose the government advertise in the papers...

Recruitment
Commoner Life Easer

• Minimum high school education
• able to teach people how to shop in supermarket, how to bargain, how to pay
• must not have any royalty heritage
• contract basis: 3 months, renewal depending on how fast your subject ease into common life.
• Those shortlisted must bring the birth certificate of your grandparents, parents.

Commoner previously known as princess: You... buy this and go pay up.

Commoner assistant: Nabeh... go pay yourself... you just like me now... only 2m richer.

Commoner princess: You... scratch my back... 5cm right of my left kidney.

Common assistant: Nabeh.... go scratch yourself... you just like me now... only 2m richer.


I also want this kind of job.

there's something about ..... fuel consumption

I have very good buddies. They know how keen I wanted to know what's my car's fuel consumption is like, so they decided to help me..... by finishing up my petrol early.

Last saturday, I made plans with Jeff and wolf to have dinner at Holland village around 7pm. I was late in picking up Jeff in Sengkang by 15 mins as I was held up with work committments.

Since already late, Jeff decided that taking the road less travelled will be much better than going thru the normal rush hour traffic, and so I heed his advice considering he knows expressway UP TO WOODLANDS quite well.

So I started a KAN SI LANG long journey. This was the longest I ever travelled on road in Singapore. And this journey covers 5 expressways out of 8 in Singapore.

Ninabeh

I knew we are on the wrong trail when I see Woodlands and later Jurong. To be fair, Jeff intention was to go by TPE, SLE and BKE then PIE. Which means he is responsible for 4 out of 5 expressways which still means a KANG SI LANG long journey. But I exited early to KJE from BKE and ended up in the beginning of PIE instead of half of PIE had I stick with BKE.

And so what would otherwise be a 30 mins journey by TPE, SLE, Thomson Road, Lornie Road, Adam Road, Holland Road, or half the mileage turn out to be a 50 mins Journey.

Anyway, we acheive my aim. I completed my full tank at least 1 day ahead of schedule.

And my fuel consumption is very auspicious 8km per litre. For the uninitiated, when it comes to fuel consumption, we don't need to have auspicious numbers. In fact, we need to have unauspicious number like 13km per litre.

And Thanks to my buddy, he has actually unknowingly push up my number with the expressway drive. Had it been a totally city drive, I think the numbers will be even lower.

What's the moral of the story, when you buy a car, listen to friends, When you drive a car, don't listen to friends.

there's something about ..... newer car on the block

dear WMB, (the letters are conjured up to hide the identity of the car and this writer due to tough traffic laws in Singapore, ubin and sentosa)

Today is your arrival to our family and I like to welcome you in.

You come with some controversy as many friends were shocked that I decided to trade off my old car and get you. They think you drink petrol like they are unlimited in supply and the cheapest thing in the world.

I appeal to you to prove them wrong. Just do about 10km per litre and I will be very happy.

Yours truly

Cow driver

there's something about ..... the old number plate

Dear SCF,

You probably know by now that I have already sold off my car with you and you no longer will be with me from tomorrow onwards.

I want you to know that you have been a great companion to me for the last 13 years. From my very first car to my current car, you have been with me thru all thick and thin.

You have also brought my family a small fortune thru Singapore pools over the years.

You have also witness every major benchmark of my life and it's with great sadness that I have to let you go.

In fact, till now, I'm still trying to see how I can keep you for my next car. But I realised the costs of keeping you is $2600 if I choose a second-hand car. This is too much for me to bear and I hope you understand.

I could buy a new car and thus only pay $100 but unfortunately I have yet to make a decision on that. Thus I have decided to let you go.

I want you to know that It's not you. It's Mah Bow Tan's fault.

I wish you all the very best with the new owner. I want to tell you that I will never never forget you. You will always have a place in my heart.

I will miss you greatly.

Yours truly

Cow driver

there's something about ..... old car on the block

Dear vicic (the letters are mixed up to protect the identity of my car as well as this writer due to sedition act in Singapore, JB and some say indonesia)

I think you already know by now that I have already sold you away. I want you to know that it hurt me alot to have to do this. You have been a great companion to me in the last 4 years. Occasionally, you were a good companion to Jeff and his family.

In fact, you have witness some benchmark in my life. You came into my life immediately after my marriage. You were there when I send my pregnant wife to the hospital for the birth of my son. You were there to bring my son back to our home. You were there when I send my maid back.

However, due to big disescalation of car prices, I have to make that big decision to let you go before I make even a bigger losses.

I want you to know that it's not you. It's mah bow tan's fault.

And I just realised those decorations that we did during the Treasure Hunt on you have just become my parting gift for you.

I have also did a final wash-up for you so that you will join your new owner in a neater and cleaner condition.

I hope your new owner will take better care of you than myself.

Wish you the very best.

Cow driver

there's something about ..... photomarathon 2005

This is a post long overdue. With so many things happening to my life lately, blogging sequence is no longer chronological.

We didn't win this year. Not that we think we should win, not that we think we expect to win. But I think we have some reason to be optimistic. But of course, this competition is also not a photography per se competition. It's a fun thing. So like what they always say, it's not about winning, it's about having fun.

Hmmm... where have I hear that before.

I mentioned "We" because my partner (name withheld for sedition reason) will provide technical work while I work on the creative side of things and strategy and portering and driving. And we will share all prizes won. Thus "we".

One reason why this blog was late is because I was waiting for them to release the shortlisted entries on the web, so that I CAN CRITICISED THEM!!!!

What to do... that is what sore losers do. And this is also what sore loser think is fun as well. Remember... it's about having fun.

Remember that the judges are not exactly your photographer per se as well. One is a editor of a newspaper supplement dealing with technology, the other one is senior management of a branded camera, the other one is senior management of a branded computer. Thus, they have a slightly different "eye" to the real professional photographer. But then again, most of the contestants are amateurs like me. So they are fully qualified to judge. Afterall, the give the prize mah.

My disclaimer: I'm in no position to criticise other people's art, as art is individual. I'm not an expert in this field. I'm still learning how to use a camera. I only know whether a picture is nice or not nice. Technically, I'm in no position to talk as well. In other words, this critique is purely COWDUNK.

First assignment: World In Motion. Winner

I like this. He deserved to win this category. I like the fact that the picture is symmetrical. Coolcat told me how this is done technically. And I think this guy is technically strong, which make him a even more deserved winner.

Also give him credit for able to find this location. His Home perhaps?

Judges got this right!

World in Motion. Merit Winner

This shot is taken at Centrepoint. Currently doing their new expansion, this is the fencing round it.

Look to me like a posed shot. Man walking with head dropping low and hands at the back, walking against in-coming traffic entering centrepoint carpark? Hmmm.

Even if it's not a posed shot, this is a snap shot. Which mean if I snap it with a point-to-shoot camera, I probably also win.

I'm still struggling to see the relevance to the theme. Call me shallow.

World in motion merit winner

Great location. Good shot. Good composition. Rightfully deserving a merit.

World in Motion Top 10

Great shot. Great composition. Nice colour. But I wonder if a full colour would be better. This will get my vote for a merit.

World in Motion Top 10

Most relevant to the theme. composition is not too bad. however, out of focus. Wonder had this been in focus, how far this would go.

World in Motion Top 10

Hmmm... snap shot. Give him credit for able to find a shot like this. I have never seen shoes being placed around like this... how to find your shoes? And the smell.... wah biang. Maybe the unusualness of this shot earn him a top 10.

But if this can win a top 10.... maybe the below show is not too far away.



Why not this?

World in Motion Top 10

Stand in front of poster... take a picture. Submit the photo. Top 10. Why did we make ourselves work so hard for our picture. Simplest approach is sometimes the best. Don't care, nice or not nice, relevant or not relevant.

Wouldn't the shot below be better? The world moving on, but the old world still present somewhere.



why not this

World in Motion Top 10

Unusual shot. Never seen anything like this. The unusualness deserve a merit. But relevance to the theme? I'm not too sure.

Give him credit for finding something like this.

World in motion top 10

Another posed shot. This is taken in a condo. Take your pet, put on the pavement, shoot it. submit it. Top 10.

The simplest of idea but at least they tried to make it a good shot while at it.

Bo bian, it's time I keep a pet.

World in Motion Top 10

Good shot. In fact, this year judges like that "shoot thru a glass" shot. Every category this year has one of these.

May have won a merit for this round.

assignment 2: Child's play winner

This won on contrast and composition. Still a snap shot to me. But I really do not know what game is this. I have never seen this before. Could this be a posed shot?

Not that posed shot shouldn't win lah. Just felt that this do not have any technicality to win the category.

child's play merit

If you ask me, I think this is in top 10 because of judge's fetish for photos "thru the glass".

But on the other hand, this photo stands out and if you ask me again, think this should be the winner.

But then again, there aren't that many good photos in this category.

child's play merit

Not impressive at all either. Perhaps a lack of good entries. But still...

child's play top 10

Simple photo. But really, it's a tough category. At least this is not about kids.

Deserving a top 10.

child's play top 10

Good shot of a kid playing at Bugis Junction. The expression is hard to capture. But it's common enough.

child's play top 10

This feels like a community development poster. This couple's features suggested that they are siblings.

I can't help feeling that this is a posed shot. But otherwise a well taken shot.

child's play top 10

My fav shot of the category. Not so much of any photography brilliance but it's really not easy to go into a Singapore Pools shop and take a picture. I'm sure it's not allowed.

Plus... it's playing on irony. Child's play but yet the toughest thing to win. My vote for winner.

Child's play top 10

I like this shot. Simple. Colourful.

child's play top 10

This is definitely a posed shot. The other hand shooting this picture. But if it's child's play, what are they playing?

child's play top 10

This photo shows a few things.

• The judges eyes got stamps.
• The entries for this category is so damn bad that even this can be top 10.
• You can take bad pictures and still earn a mention.